Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 36)

Most people don’t realize that two large pieces of coral painted brown and attached to the skull with common wood screws can make a child look like a deer.

Miscellaneous

A face like a well slapped ass.

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Chester drawers

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Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for “better treatment”? … I’d ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you’d probably be able to get a lot of free games.

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Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your backside?

(1973 – ) English comedian, writer, actor, director & producer
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If they ever come up with a swashbuckling school, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.

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Like a jackass in a tin stable

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Watermelon talk

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I used to carry a rabbit’s foot for luck… then it was a monkey’s paw.. now it’s a camel’s toe.

(1978 – ) American actress, writer & comedian
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It’s funny that pirates were always going around searching for treasure, and they never realized that the real treasure was the fond memories they were creating.

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Congratulations to Martin Luther King Jr. for having the only dream in history anyone actually wanted to hear about.

American comedian
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It’s hotter than the hinges of Hell.

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Lying like a snake in the grass.

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One of the worst things you can do as an actor, I think, is to forget your lines, and then get so flustered you start stabbing the other actors.

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This likker is just right; if it’d been any worse, I couldn’t have drunk it; if it’d been any better, you wouldn’t have give it to me.

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He couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.

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I already know I’m going to hell, I’m just paving the road.

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Children need encouragement: if a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.

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Doesn’t know his ass from his elbow.

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I bet it’s hard to break farmers of the old superstitions like “Tornado got Old Yeller, stay in the cellar.”

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He ain't got no home trainin.

Miscellaneous