Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 36)

Crespin’s Law of Observation

As stubborn as a blue-nose mule and as busy as a cranberry merchant.

Lower than a snake’s belly

I’m so poor that if it cost a nickle to go around the world, I couldn’t get out of sight.

like trying to herd cats

That was back when Christ wore knee-britches.

Why is there so much pressure to spend Independence Day with other people?

American actress, comedian, writer & musician

As easy as herding chickens/cats

Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you’re coming home, his face might burn up.

You might think that the favorite plant of the porcupine is the cactus, but it’s thinking like that that has almost ruined this country.

He’d complain if you hung him with a new rope.

Marriage is a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose

(1898 – 1983) English author, playwright, journalist, composer & public speaker

Novelties and notions? What kind of notions you got?

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the f**k is the ceiling.

(1972 – ) Ghanaian-born actor & comedian

Let’s be honest: Isn’t a lot what we call tap dancing really just nerves?

My grandfather invented the cold air balloon… but it never really took off.

(1964 – ) English comedian

Mites stay on a chicken’s ass.

He can get glad the same way he got mad, or else he's gon' die unhappy.

Slower than molasses in January

Tougher than a one-eared alley cat.

I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, yahoo, I’d have all my money back.