Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 37)

I love you like a fat kid loves cake.

Miscellaneous

How do you write ‘zero’ in Roman Numerals?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Miscellaneous

The difference between a man and a boy is, a boy wants to grow up to be a fireman, but a man wants to grow up to be a giant monster fireman.

Miscellaneous

Fly off the handle

Miscellaneous

My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage; I take that as a compliment.

Miscellaneous

Gooder’n snuff and not half as dusty

Miscellaneous

I’ll wear you out till your hide won’t hold shucks.

Miscellaneous

My poor fellow, why not carry a watch.

(1852 – 1917) English actor & theater manager
Miscellaneous

It’s raining cats and dogs.

Miscellaneous

Life is a constant battle between the heart and the brain; but guess who wins… the skeleton.

Miscellaneous

Deader than a door nail

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Purtier than a peach.

Miscellaneous

Bobby Wheeler: We were wondering if you would join us for a few minutes?

Jim: Well, what did you decide?

(1938 – ) American actor
Miscellaneous

I’d like to see a movie where a guy is going to die when the sand runs out of an hourglass, but then at the last minute an ant stops the sand from running out. Then the rest of the movie is about the ant.

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Have no axe to grind

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Quicker than a cat can lick’s its ass

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Dumber than a stump

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She will have to walk behind the angels – and she won’t like that.

(1841 – 1910) King of the United Kingdom
Miscellaneous

Empty as a winter rain barrel.

Miscellaneous

Sweating like a whore in church.

Miscellaneous

If his brains were dynamite, he couldn’t blow his nose.

Miscellaneous