Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 40)

Y'all stay the night. We don’t have extra beds, but I’m sure we can find a nail to hang you on.

Miscellaneous

Prettier than a spotted heifer in a pansy patch!

Miscellaneous

Don't gobble in the woods during hunting season.

Miscellaneous

Take a slack

Miscellaneous

If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is probably a joke that gets old real fast.

Miscellaneous

Peter Marshall: Liberace has a new book out called The Things I…?

Paul Lynde: Put in my hair.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Miscellaneous

In this adventure Harry will do battle with giant lizards, face the attack of the Death Eaters, and in perhaps the most difficult task of all for a 14-year-old, ask a girl to be his date at the Yule Ball.

Miscellaneous

Shut the light.

Miscellaneous

So ugly he could snag lightning

Miscellaneous

That man ain't got the decency to die.

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Stiff in the heels

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Slow as Christmas

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Plastic Jesus

Miscellaneous

Marta was watching the football game with me when she said, “You know most of these sports are based on the idea of one group protecting its territory from invasion by another group.”
Yeah, I said, trying not to laugh. Girls are funny.

Miscellaneous

She's got mud all over her from bum hole to breakfast time.

Miscellaneous

The bathtub was invented in 1850 and the telephone in 1875 … In other words, if you had been living in 1850, you could have sat in the bathtub for 25 years without having to answer the phone.

(1902 – 1982) American professional baseball executive & club owner
Miscellaneous Things

Railroad time

Miscellaneous

Once bread is toast, it can't be bread again.

Miscellaneous

This bloke said to me: ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar;’ I said: ‘Is that a fret?’

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Miscellaneous Wordplay

She Offered Her Honor, He Honored Her Offer, and All Through the Night it Was Honor and Offer

Miscellaneous

In weightlifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you.

Miscellaneous