Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 40)

Took the preachers seat

Miscellaneous

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you’ll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

Miscellaneous

Big hat, no cattle

Miscellaneous

Normal,  Illinois

Miscellaneous

He’s not wrapped too tight.

Miscellaneous

It's coming up a cloud.

Miscellaneous

If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of Conquistadors came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don’t think it would be a good idea to say, “I swallowed it… so sue me.”

Miscellaneous

When I saw the old bum pushing his grocery cart down the street, at first I felt sorry for him; but then when I saw what was in his cart I thought, well, no wonder you’re a bum, look at the dumb things you bought.

Miscellaneous

He lost his hat, ass, and spats!

Miscellaneous

There was probably an old Viking saying that said, “Ax in the head, early to bed; ax in the helmet, a friend of Helmut.”

Miscellaneous

They say no one knows if we all see red the same way… except traffic cops.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
Miscellaneous

Plastic Jesus

Miscellaneous

I'm out like a fat girl stealing second.

Miscellaneous

It’s funny how two simple words, “I promise,” will stall people for a while.

Miscellaneous

I wonder if Dracula ever has ticks.

Miscellaneous

Lay out of work or school

Miscellaneous

Sure as the vine twines 'round the stump, you are my darlin' sugar lump.

Miscellaneous

Old as dirt

Miscellaneous

It’s so good, it makes you want to slap your momma!

Miscellaneous

He's dumber than a mud fence.

Miscellaneous

Happy as a hog in slop.

Miscellaneous