Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 41)

You’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.

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Empty as a winter rain barrel.

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It's not easy to cut through a human head with a hacksaw.

(1942 – 2008) American author, producer, director & screenwriter
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Stronger’n a garlic milkshake

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I’d shake his hand, but I think that’s what’s holding up his pants.

(1961 – ) American comedian, actor & talk show host
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Don’t start choppin’ till you’ve treed the coon.

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With every new sunrise, there is a new chance. But with every sunset, you blew it.

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We didn't plan to take 'em to raise.

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Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone’s neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing?

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Let’s put the chairs in the wagon.

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If a frog had wings it wouldn’t bump its ass a-hoppin.’

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In the first castles, I bet a common mistake was putting the torture room next to the master bedroom. Boy, you’re just not going to get good sleep that way.

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Just because a chicken has wings doesn't mean it can fly.

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Protected: Secret Cookie Recipe

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She could eat watermelon through a chicken wire fence.

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If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is probably a joke that gets old real fast.

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She fell out of the ugly tree; and hit every branch on the way down.

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Y’all have chairs.

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Return an answer.

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I think the mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed psychiatrist is our ‘friend.’

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When I saw the old bum pushing his grocery cart down the street, at first I felt sorry for him; but then when I saw what was in his cart I thought, well, no wonder you’re a bum, look at the dumb things you bought.

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