Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 48)

I quit my job at the helium gas factory – I didn’t like being spoken to in that voice.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Miscellaneous Speech

He’s playing possum.

Miscellaneous

Let us have wine and women, mirth and laughter,

Sermons and soda-water the day after.

(1788 – 1824) English poet
Miscellaneous

My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage; I take that as a compliment.

Miscellaneous

Plastic Jesus

Miscellaneous

Toad choker/frog strangler

Miscellaneous

He's only got one oar in the water.

Miscellaneous

He’s so mean a rattlesnake bit him five times and died.

Miscellaneous

She’s about a half a bubble off plumb.

Miscellaneous

Ain’t got both oars in the water

Miscellaneous

Watch him; he'll slip a baby copperhead in your pocket, then ask you for a light.

Miscellaneous

He wouldn't go to a funeral unless he could be the corpse.

Miscellaneous

Children need encouragement: if a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.

Miscellaneous

He has enough money to burn a wet mule.

Miscellaneous

You don't have the sense God gave a gnat.

Miscellaneous

Uglier than a burnt stump

Miscellaneous

I expect them to come out… oh dear, I’d better not say fighting, had I?

Welsh football player, manager & coach
Miscellaneous

I’d like to see a James Bond movie where James Bond gets behind financially and maybe has to take out a bill consolidation loan, because even when he’s applying for the loan he’s still real smart-alecky.

Miscellaneous

That land is so poor two red-headed women couldn’t raise a fuss on it.

Miscellaneous

She has a butt like a forty-dollar mule.

Miscellaneous

Never laugh at a man, until you have walked a mile in his shoes; then you are a mile away, and you have his shoes.

Miscellaneous