Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 57)

Flat as a fritter.

Miscellaneous

Sorry as a two dollar watch.

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If you want to fight me you better pack a lunch and bring a flashlight.

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He was wound up tighter ‘en a bango string.

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He was the kind of man who was not ashamed to show affection; I guess that’s what I hated about him.

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Before a mad scientist goes mad, there’s probably a time when he’s only partially mad… and this is the time when he’s going to throw his best parties.

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I bet what happened was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then that night, they burned the wheel.

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If she were an inch taller she'd be round.

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They say no one knows if we all see red the same way… except traffic cops.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
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I wonder if Dracula ever has ticks.

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She could ruin a two-car funeral.

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She Broken My Heart, So I Broke His Jaw

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Eddie: Mother, are you still on the computer?

Gran: Yes, dear. Sometimes you get into a porn loop and just can’t get out.

(1925 – ) English actress
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Telephone Man

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Nobody’s perfect… well there was this one guy, but we killed him…

(1957 – ) American author
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Bring the door

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He can get glad the same way he got mad, or else he's gon' die unhappy.

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Oops!

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It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch.

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Normal,  Illinois

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I don’t know that there are real ghosts and goblins, but there are always more trick-or-treaters than neighborhood kids.

American writer
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