Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 62)

In some places it’s known as a tornado – In others, a cyclone… nd in still others, the Idiot’s Merry-go round; but around here they’ll always be known as screw-boys.

Miscellaneous

Prettier than a spotted heifer in a pansy patch!

Miscellaneous

He's as country as a bowl of grits.

Miscellaneous

If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don’t think it would be a good idea to say, “I swallowed it. So sue me.”

Miscellaneous

Lost as a goose in a snowstorm

Miscellaneous

You’d call an alligator a lizard.

Miscellaneous

To me, clowns aren’t funny, they’re kind of scary; I’ve wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.

Miscellaneous

I remember when I was in the army, we had the toughest drill sergeant in the world. He’d get right up next to your face and yell, and if you didn’t have the right answers, mister, you’d be peeling potatoes or changing the latrine. Hey, wait. I wasn’t in the army. Then who WAS that guy?!

Miscellaneous

Cute as a sack full of puppies.

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Talk to the table.

Miscellaneous

Slower than molasses in January

Miscellaneous

It’s funny how annoyed people get when you carry a bullhorn around all the time, even if you don’t use it that often.

Miscellaneous

He would steal the shitball from a blind tumblebug, give him a marble and put him on the wrong road home.

Miscellaneous

I feel like I've been chewed up and spit out.

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Lower than the belly of a snake in a wagon track

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So cross-eyed he could look at his own head.

Miscellaneous

Good news rarely comes in a brown envelope.

(1909 – 1976) British army officer, company director & politician
Miscellaneous

He’d skin a flea for the hide and tallow.

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Where there’s smoke, there’s… pollution.

Miscellaneous Proverbs

You’re barking up the wrong tree.

Miscellaneous

The Atlanta Hawks are a bunch of guys who would prefer to pass kidney stones than pass a basketball.

American basketball coach
Miscellaneous