Subject: Sports (Page 120)

They let you chase girls, they just don’t let you catch them.

Brigham Young University football player
Football Sports

You don’t like to see hookers going down on players like that.

New Zealand rugby player & commentator
Misspokements Sports

The last thing you want to do is shoot 80 wearing tartan trousers.

English professional golfer
Appearance Clothing Golf Sports

If you hit Polonia 100 fly balls, you could make a movie out of it — Catch 22.

baseball player
Baseball Sports

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

disc jockey, screenwriter & humorist
Golf Sports

These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.

(1912 – 2002) professional golfer
Golf Sports

The Royal Hong Kong Club caddies hit the nail on the head; their term for golf – "Hittee ball, say damn."

Golf Sports

Golf giveth and golf taketh away, but it taketh away a hell of a lot more than it giveth.

South African professional golfer
Golf Sports

Washington: first in war, first in peace, and last in the American League.

(1860 – 1931) American baseball writer & humorist
Baseball Sports

I'll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine.

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist
Golf Sports

I throw the ball as hard as ever, but it just takes longer to get to the plate.

American baseball pitcher
Baseball Sports

Football coaches walk across the field after the game and pretend to congratulate the opposing coach; baseball managers head right for the beer.

American sportswriter
Baseball Football Sports

I’ve been dunked on by (Vitaly) Potapenko and now (Zan) Tabak; the good part is that they don’t make posters of those guys.

professional basketball player
Basketball Misspokements Sports

All of a sudden he’s hurt and I’ve got to get the popcorn out of my teeth.

American hockey player
Hockey Sports

It’s nice to have a guy that young come along; we usually go out and find somebody who’s 47.

(1934 – 2010) American baseball manager
Baseball Sports

I never blame myself when I’m not hitting. I just blame the bat, and if it keeps up, I change bats; after all, if I know it isn’t my fault that I’m not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Baseball Yogi-isms

If you had come with me, you could be the principal of a high school by now.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Basketball Sports

I may be dumb, but I’m not stupid.

professional football player & broadcaster
Misspokements Sports

The crowd noise has gone up several octaves since the beginning of the game!

Misspokements Sports

Being in politics is like being a football coach; you have to be smart enough to understand the game, and be dumb enough to think it’s important.

(1916 – 2005) American politician & poet
Football Government Politics Sports

You guys lineup, alphabetically by height.

football coach
Misspokements Sports