Author: Personal ad

I celebrated my fortieth birthday last week by cataloguing my collection of bird feeders. Next year I'm hoping for sexual intercourse. And a cake. Join my invite mailing list at box no. 6831. Man

Classifieds

Bastard. Complete and utter. Whatever you do, don't reply – you'll only regret it.

Classifieds

They call me Naughty Lola. Run of the mill beardy physicist – male, 46.

Classifieds

Lustful? Sinful? Sexual? These are all words not used in conjunction with my feeble, limp form for at least 32 years. You are a woman to 40 with high class looks and low class mind. I am an ever growing vessel of limp wristed sexual energy just waiting to be shook. You may call me sir. box no. 32/02

Classifieds

Unashamed triumphalist male for the past 46 years. Will I bore you? Probably. Do I care? Probably not.

Classifieds

I've divorced better men than you. And worn more expensive shoes than these. So don't think placing this ad is the biggest comedown I've ever had to make. Sensitive F, 34.

Classifieds

internet dates? – these are insane computer time’s we live in – wow. But how can you trust all of these e-men – it is just not safe – i am 100% real and –did not ever go to jail –Talk to me on the phone –i shook barack obama’s hand on two occasions – i know 15 guitar chords –I have a big tv with blue ray’s – I AM A REGULAR GUY SEEKING A REGULAR GAL – if you like eating tacko’s and you like to watch cartoons and movies and you have large breasts we will get along very well so please ring me up: …

Classifieds

Your stars for today: A pretty Cancerian, 35, will cook you a lovely meal, caress your hair softly, then squeeze every damn penny from your adulterous bank account before slashing the tires of your Beamer. Let that serve as a warning. Now then, risotto?

Classifieds

I'm just a girl who can't say 'no' (or 'anaesthetist') [sic]. Lisping Rodgers and Hammerstein fan, female lecturer in politics (37) WLTM man to 40 for thome enthanted eveningth.

Classifieds

SEE WHAT HAPPENS, 22 yr old white male, 6’4”, 190 lbs, janitorial master, once cleaned 3 bathrooms in 20 minutes! Seeks 19 to 32 yr old female. Box 30940.

Classifieds

Meet the new face of indoor bowling! More or less the same as the old face, but less facial hair and better teeth. M, 28. Box no. 3377.

Classifieds

My ideal woman is a man. Sorry, mother.

Classifieds

Philanthropy is my middle name. It's just a name though so don't be expecting any free rides. You can call me Mr Wallace. My first name is none of your business. Applications to box no. 9741.

Classifieds

Incurable romantic, seeks filthy whore. Phone…

Classifieds

Sinister-looking man with a face that only a mother would love: think of an ageing Portillo with a beard and you have my better-looking twin. Sweetie at heart, though. Nice conversation, great for dimly-lit romantic meals. Better in those Welsh villages where the electricity supply can't be guaranteed. Charitable women to 50 appreciated. Box…

Classifieds

Save it. Anything you've got to say can be said to my lawyer. But if you're not my ex-wife, why not write to box no. 5377? I enjoy vodka, canasta, evenings in, and cold, cold revenge.

Classifieds

Mature gentleman, 62, aged well, noble grey looks, fit and active, sound mind and unfazed by the fickle demands of modern society seeks… damn it, I have to pee again.

Classifieds

Personal Announcements: S. Paraskos and Helen Walker would like to announce that they are no longer engaged.
Engagement: S.Paraskos of Paphos, Cyprus, and Nicola Jared of UK would like to announce their engagement. – Cyprus Weekly

Classifieds

Attention male London Review of Books readers: 'Greetings, earthling – I have come to infest your puny body with legions of my spawn' is no way to begin a reply. Female, 36 – suspicious of any men declaring themselves to be in possession of a 'great sense of humor.'

Classifieds

HANDSOME RAKE – Out of work leaf raker/bagger seeks whimsical beauty with unkempt auburn orc hestnut hair, cool with coarse hands and a penchant for whistling. mellow… mo, 28, …

Classifieds

This advert is about as close as I come to meaningful interaction with other adults. Woman, 51. Not good at parties but tremendous breasts. Box no. 5436.

Classifieds