Author: Emo Phillips Page 3

When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Family Parents Reading/Writing School

Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Arms Conflict Time

I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Marriage Wives

Well, my brother says “hello!”… so, hooray for speech therapy.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Communication Speech

I like going to the park and watching the children run and jump around, because you see, they don't know I'm using blanks.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Arms Children People Things

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities Animals Sleep

You know what I hate?… Indian givers… no, I take that back.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Characteristics Communication Language

I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities