Author: Gary Delaney Page 2

The president of France said that the English are arrogant with their refusal to learn foreign languages; at least, I think that’s what he said… it all just sounded like “haw-he-haw-he-haw-he-haw.”

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Communication England Language Places

Dave drowned; so at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt; well, it’s what he would have wanted.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Communication Wordplay

Sad news, apparently the Michelin Man has retired.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Communication Wordplay

As a family we couldn't decide whether to have grandma buried or cremated… in the end, we let her live.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Death Family

I often confuse Americans and Canadians… by using long words.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
America Canada People Places

I watching a weird porn the other day; it was just a fat man crying and wanking at the same time…. then realized I hadn't turned the TV on.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
People Self Sex