Author: Homer Simpson Page 2

Kids, kids, I'm not going to die; that only happens to bad people.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Death TV/Movie Quotes

Marge, every time I learn something new it pushes something old out of my brain. Remember that time I learned how to make wine and forgot how to drive?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Mind Self TV/Movie Quotes

We can hike anytime; this is our chance to see cars driving.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Activities TV/Movie Quotes

It’s so simple to be wise… just thing of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Intelligence TV/Movie Quotes Wisdom

Stupidity got us into this mess, and stupidity will get us out.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Situations Stupidity TV/Movie Quotes

I think I've figured this balloon thing out, Marge. It can go up and down, but not side to side or back in time.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Things TV/Movie Quotes

All right, brain, you don’t like me, and I don’t like you, but let's just get me through this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
People Self TV/Movie Quotes

I never apologize… I’m sorry but that’s the way I am.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Self TV/Movie Quotes

I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket & flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Miscellaneous Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

I’d be a vegetarian if bacon grew on trees.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

Operator – give me the number for 911!

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

I wish God were alive to see this.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
God TV/Movie Quotes

If it doesn't have Siamese twins in a jar, it is not a fair.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

Donuts… is there anything they can't do?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

Marge, you can't keep blaming yourself; just blame yourself once, then move on.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

If God didn't want us to eat animals, then why'd he make them so tasty?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Animals TV/Movie Quotes

I want to be alone with my thought.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Intelligence Thinking

Everything looks bad if you remember it.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Memory TV/Movie Quotes

You can have all the money in the world, but there’s one thing you will never have… a dinosaur.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Money TV/Movie Quotes

A gun is not a weapon, it's a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Arms TV/Movie Quotes