Author Mr. Cranky | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Mr. Cranky

Watching Bride Wars is like being dragged to your third cousin’s niece’s wedding, then finding out that they’re not even serving alcohol at the reception.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Bride Wars”

The main character’s bout with cancer throughout 50/50 was nothing compared to the mental anguish I was forced to deal with as the 'plot' of this misguided medical morass unfolded before me.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “50/50”

If an utter lack of effort had its own award show, the people involved with Baseketball could stand proudly next to the Yugo engineers and Monica Lewinsky's personal trainer as deserving nominees.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Baseketball”

This Mamet adaptation takes place in a very confined space, involves little or no action and is mostly concerned with how many minutes an actor can spew Mamet's laborious dialogue without collapsing.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “American Buffalo”

This feels like it must have been the first draft of the script. In the case of Anchorman, if there's a completed first draft to be found at all, I'll lick a theater floor clean.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Anchorman”

The best thing about Chill Factor is that it’s over fast.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Chill Factor”

If [Robert] Duvall can improve on his next effort, somebody might hire him to write and direct the return of the Police Academy movies. It would be a step up.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Assassination Tango”

Captain America is a movie where nothing really happens until just before the very end, when the director accidentally filmed a few action sequences but made sure that the main bad guy wasn’t involved whatsoever. Then nothing happens, again, then roll credits.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Captain America”

I was stunned beyond words at the originality of the screenplay.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “D3: The Mighty Ducks”

It’s like Isacsson wrote the dialogue to be performed by two sales consultants at a marketing conference.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism Down to You

“Flubber” is further evidence of the death of cinema.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Flubber”

I’m not sure who cast this movie, but the only way they could have come up with two duller performances would have been to have the two leads play their characters using sock puppets.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Head Over Heels”

The incompetent who directed this film is Mike Mitchell, who’s probably some buddy of (Rob) Schneider and Adam Sandler, and whose main talent up until this point was cleaning potato chip crumbs off Sandler’s couch.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism

What’s next for (Director Paul W.S.) Anderson? Maybe “Hannibal 2,” in which Anthony Hopkins escorts a group of toddlers to Chuck E. Cheese?

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Alien Vs. Predator”

This film has all the energy of a rotting corpse.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Eddie”

This movie is so badly acted and directed that it would have improved its seriousness significantly by casting finger puppets in the major roles.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Breakfast of Champions”

This film appears to be something of an homage to "Some Like it Hot", which is kind of like saying that a bum taking a crap in a dumpster is an homage to “Star Wars.”

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Connie and Carla”

It’s truly rare that you see this level of insightful childhood psychoanalysis in a film about a basketball-playing dog.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Air Bud”

Affleck probably got the part of the blind superhero because he was the only actor too inebriated to duck when the producers flung objects at his head.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Daredevil”

This had all the drama of a traffic jam.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen”

Let’s see, Ben Affleck is stuck with Sandra Bullock in a small vehicle, and they’re driving all the way to Georgia. Is he going to fall in love with her even though they’re complete opposites? Holy shit, I think so.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Forces of Nature”

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Author: Mr. Cranky

Watching Bride Wars is like being dragged to your third cousin’s niece’s wedding, then finding out that they’re not even serving alcohol at the reception.

The main character’s bout with cancer throughout 50/50 was nothing compared to the mental anguish I was forced to deal with as the 'plot' of this misguided medical morass unfolded before me.

If an utter lack of effort had its own award show, the people involved with Baseketball could stand proudly next to the Yugo engineers and Monica Lewinsky's personal trainer as deserving nominees.

This Mamet adaptation takes place in a very confined space, involves little or no action and is mostly concerned with how many minutes an actor can spew Mamet's laborious dialogue without collapsing.

This feels like it must have been the first draft of the script. In the case of Anchorman, if there's a completed first draft to be found at all, I'll lick a theater floor clean.

The best thing about Chill Factor is that it’s over fast.

If [Robert] Duvall can improve on his next effort, somebody might hire him to write and direct the return of the Police Academy movies. It would be a step up.

Captain America is a movie where nothing really happens until just before the very end, when the director accidentally filmed a few action sequences but made sure that the main bad guy wasn’t involved whatsoever. Then nothing happens, again, then roll credits.

I was stunned beyond words at the originality of the screenplay.

It’s like Isacsson wrote the dialogue to be performed by two sales consultants at a marketing conference.

“Flubber” is further evidence of the death of cinema.

I’m not sure who cast this movie, but the only way they could have come up with two duller performances would have been to have the two leads play their characters using sock puppets.

The incompetent who directed this film is Mike Mitchell, who’s probably some buddy of (Rob) Schneider and Adam Sandler, and whose main talent up until this point was cleaning potato chip crumbs off Sandler’s couch.

What’s next for (Director Paul W.S.) Anderson? Maybe “Hannibal 2,” in which Anthony Hopkins escorts a group of toddlers to Chuck E. Cheese?

This film has all the energy of a rotting corpse.

This movie is so badly acted and directed that it would have improved its seriousness significantly by casting finger puppets in the major roles.

This film appears to be something of an homage to "Some Like it Hot", which is kind of like saying that a bum taking a crap in a dumpster is an homage to “Star Wars.”

It’s truly rare that you see this level of insightful childhood psychoanalysis in a film about a basketball-playing dog.

Affleck probably got the part of the blind superhero because he was the only actor too inebriated to duck when the producers flung objects at his head.

This had all the drama of a traffic jam.

Let’s see, Ben Affleck is stuck with Sandra Bullock in a small vehicle, and they’re driving all the way to Georgia. Is he going to fall in love with her even though they’re complete opposites? Holy shit, I think so.