Author Mr. Cranky | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Mr. Cranky

It probably helps if you're high too when checking out Bad Teacher, as that might help you get through the film’s excruciating lack of plot, combined with a cast of characters that might as well have been lifted directly from every single f**king movie about a school ever made… ever.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Bad Teacher”

Another half-baked helping of the worst kind of scientific clap-trap.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “In Time”

This is the same old, tired crap that Woody Allen has been exporting for who knows how many years now. It's like drinking milk with an expiration date from the Reagan era.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism

It's Melanie Griffith's best role yet… which is like saying the morphine shots are the best part about having first-degree burns over 80 percent of your body.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Another Day in Paradise”

What’s next for (Director Paul W.S.) Anderson? Maybe “Hannibal 2,” in which Anthony Hopkins escorts a group of toddlers to Chuck E. Cheese?

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Alien Vs. Predator”

Affleck probably got the part of the blind superhero because he was the only actor too inebriated to duck when the producers flung objects at his head.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Daredevil”

Whenever I see Denise Richards I tend to say the same thing Dustin Hoffman’s father said in “The Graduate”: ‘plastics’.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Empire” Denise Richards

Anybody who refers to this film as “brilliant” is a moron.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “187”

Chain Reaction has more nifty coincidences than an identical twins convention.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Chain Reaction”

If [Robert] Duvall can improve on his next effort, somebody might hire him to write and direct the return of the Police Academy movies. It would be a step up.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Assassination Tango”

I’d rather spend my 180 minutes seeing how hard a 400-pound gorilla can tighten a vise around my penis before I pass out from the pain.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Boogie Nights”

To imagine that there was a whole process required to bring this film to screen is almost too painful to imagine.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Dude Where’s My Car?”

“Flubber” is further evidence of the death of cinema.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Flubber”

Think of Cowboys & Aliens as the wet spot on your mattress after a night of questionable passion. Everyone knows who made the wet spot, but no one wants to own up to it.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Cowboys & Aliens”

The incompetent who directed this film is Mike Mitchell, who’s probably some buddy of (Rob) Schneider and Adam Sandler, and whose main talent up until this point was cleaning potato chip crumbs off Sandler’s couch.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism

You know when an actress like Claire Forlani starts making fun of other actresses for being anorexic, the film is operating in another dimension.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Boys and Girls”

If you want to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Hollywood is a cesspool of whoredom and back-door deal-making, just look at the credits of the writers responsible for this monstrous piece of crap.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “X-Men: The Last Stand”

This had all the drama of a traffic jam.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen”

Affleck probably got the part of the blind superhero because he was the only actor too inebriated to duck when the producers flung objects at his head.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Daredevil”

In this day and age, there’s simply no good excuse for having that many children.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Cheaper by the Dozen 2”

If you want to see what happens when independent filmmakers have too much money and don’t know what to do with it, just go see Bee Season.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Bee Season”

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Author: Mr. Cranky

It probably helps if you're high too when checking out Bad Teacher, as that might help you get through the film’s excruciating lack of plot, combined with a cast of characters that might as well have been lifted directly from every single f**king movie about a school ever made… ever.

Another half-baked helping of the worst kind of scientific clap-trap.

This is the same old, tired crap that Woody Allen has been exporting for who knows how many years now. It's like drinking milk with an expiration date from the Reagan era.

It's Melanie Griffith's best role yet… which is like saying the morphine shots are the best part about having first-degree burns over 80 percent of your body.

What’s next for (Director Paul W.S.) Anderson? Maybe “Hannibal 2,” in which Anthony Hopkins escorts a group of toddlers to Chuck E. Cheese?

Affleck probably got the part of the blind superhero because he was the only actor too inebriated to duck when the producers flung objects at his head.

Whenever I see Denise Richards I tend to say the same thing Dustin Hoffman’s father said in “The Graduate”: ‘plastics’.

Anybody who refers to this film as “brilliant” is a moron.

Chain Reaction has more nifty coincidences than an identical twins convention.

If [Robert] Duvall can improve on his next effort, somebody might hire him to write and direct the return of the Police Academy movies. It would be a step up.

I’d rather spend my 180 minutes seeing how hard a 400-pound gorilla can tighten a vise around my penis before I pass out from the pain.

To imagine that there was a whole process required to bring this film to screen is almost too painful to imagine.

“Flubber” is further evidence of the death of cinema.

Think of Cowboys & Aliens as the wet spot on your mattress after a night of questionable passion. Everyone knows who made the wet spot, but no one wants to own up to it.

The incompetent who directed this film is Mike Mitchell, who’s probably some buddy of (Rob) Schneider and Adam Sandler, and whose main talent up until this point was cleaning potato chip crumbs off Sandler’s couch.

You know when an actress like Claire Forlani starts making fun of other actresses for being anorexic, the film is operating in another dimension.

If you want to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Hollywood is a cesspool of whoredom and back-door deal-making, just look at the credits of the writers responsible for this monstrous piece of crap.

This had all the drama of a traffic jam.

Affleck probably got the part of the blind superhero because he was the only actor too inebriated to duck when the producers flung objects at his head.

In this day and age, there’s simply no good excuse for having that many children.

If you want to see what happens when independent filmmakers have too much money and don’t know what to do with it, just go see Bee Season.