Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Mr. Cranky Page 3
[Director Michael] Caton-Jones has about as much understanding of symbol and metaphor as a sock puppet.
Mr. Cranky
(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)
Reviews/Criticism
“City by the Sea”
I don't know if Oliver [Stone] is going through detox or what, but ever since
Natural Born Killers,
he's moved the camera around like an epileptic in an earthquake.
Mr. Cranky
(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)
Reviews/Criticism
“Any Given Sunday”
Two hours of looking up at Marlon Brando's butt cheeks squashed flat against a glass tabletop would have been a preferable to this werewolf masterpiece.
Mr. Cranky
(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)
Reviews/Criticism
“Bad Moon”
Watching
Bride Wars
is like being dragged to your third cousin’s niece’s wedding, then finding out that they’re not even serving alcohol at the reception.
Mr. Cranky
(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)
Reviews/Criticism
“Bride Wars”
If I had wanted to watch two hours of “VH-1,” guess what? … I would have stayed home and done that… for free.
Mr. Cranky
(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)
Reviews/Criticism
“Blue Brothers 2000”
This had all the drama of a traffic jam.
Mr. Cranky
(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)
Reviews/Criticism
“Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen”
Director Ted Demme is a moron, and here’s why.
Mr. Cranky
(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)
Reviews/Criticism
The film “Blow”
Affleck probably got the part of the blind superhero because he was the only actor too inebriated to duck when the producers flung objects at his head.
Mr. Cranky
(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)
Reviews/Criticism
“Daredevil”
This feels like it must have been the first draft of the script. In the case of Anchorman, if there's a completed first draft to be found at all, I'll lick a theater floor clean.
Mr. Cranky
(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)
Reviews/Criticism
“Anchorman”
I’m not sure who cast this movie, but the only way they could have come up with two duller performances would have been to have the two leads play their characters using sock puppets.
Mr. Cranky
(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)
Reviews/Criticism
“Head Over Heels”
Thus, it should surprise no one that what's eventually expelled onto the screen resembles the discharge of an animal that's been eating poorly to begin with.
Mr. Cranky
(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)
Reviews/Criticism
“Along Came a Spider”
Thor is really just like your dad out in the garage after a few drinks. Only more racist.
Mr. Cranky
(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)
Reviews/Criticism
“Thor”
Anybody who refers to this film as “brilliant” is a moron.
Mr. Cranky
(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)
Reviews/Criticism
“187”
Captain America
is a movie where nothing really happens until just before the very end, when the director accidentally filmed a few action sequences but made sure that the main bad guy wasn’t involved whatsoever. Then nothing happens, again, then roll credits.
Mr. Cranky
(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)
Reviews/Criticism
“Captain America”
The incompetent who directed this film is Mike Mitchell, who’s probably some buddy of (Rob) Schneider and Adam Sandler, and whose main talent up until this point was cleaning potato chip crumbs off Sandler’s couch.
Mr. Cranky
(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)
Reviews/Criticism
To imagine that there was a whole process required to bring this film to screen is almost too painful to imagine.
Mr. Cranky
(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)
Reviews/Criticism
“Dude
Where’s My Car?”
Chain Reaction
has more nifty coincidences than an identical twins convention.
Mr. Cranky
(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)
Reviews/Criticism
“Chain Reaction”
It’s like Isacsson wrote the dialogue to be performed by two sales consultants at a marketing conference.
Mr. Cranky
(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)
Reviews/Criticism
Down to You
Unfortunately, all
Coach Carter
taught me was that I can actually scratch the first four verses of Revelations into the back of a theater chair with my fingernail in a little under two hours.
Mr. Cranky
(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)
Miscellaneous
Reviews/Criticism
“Coach Carter”
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