Author: Richard Lewis

I am much more comfortable in someone else’s skin.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
People Self

I never give advice – I give warnings to live by.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Beliefs

My shrink told me that my happiness was stress related.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions Happiness Self

My grandfather used to make home movies and edit out the joy.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions Happiness

She said that after we had intercourse, I gave her an anti-climax.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Sex

My shrink gives me 75 per cent off if I make believe I’m someone else.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Doctors Health

If there is reincarnation and I come back as myself, I’ll kill myself.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Self

The best way to have an affair without feeling guilty is to sleep with your therapist.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Sex

When I was a kid my family said having feelings was an act of treason.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Family Self

The best tip for insomnia for me is not trying to sleep.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Activities Sleep

Even at home, on my stationary exercise bike, I have a rearview mirror.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Characteristics

My nightmares have coming attractions.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Activities Sleep

Life can be a bitch so at least try not to fall in love with one.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Life Relationships

I’m trying to drop an asshole a day from my life and doing the math I’ll be done in the year 3011.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
People

My family taught me to take regrets one day at a time.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Family

My shrink told me it was pointless to believe in myself.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Beliefs Self

During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
People Self Sex

This weekend I pulled a muscle in my cheeks trying to smile.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health

My goal this year is to make love being naked.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Sex

My family wasn’t very religious; on Hanukkah, they had a menorah on a dimmer.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Beliefs Religion