Author Tina Fey | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Tina Fey

If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs; if you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

When Martha Stewart reported to prison yesterday, she was subjected to an invasive strip search that included a squat and cough, during which she laid two perfect blue speckled eggs.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes

Kenneth: Your landlord called and he says it's not the toilet, it's you.
Liz: That's his opinion.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes As Liz Lemon in “30 Rock”

Tracy: So what’s your religion, Liz Lemon?
Liz: I pretty much do whatever Oprah tells me to do.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes As Liz Lemon in “30 Rock” Oprah

Jack: We are lovers.
Liz: That word bums me out unless it’s between the words “meat” and “pizza”.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Miscellaneous As Liz Lemon in “30 Rock”

My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Characteristics Anxiety

Bossypants

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Book Titles

If Bush’s [overall approval ratings] don’t improve, he could become the first president held back and forced to repeat his presidency.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes George W. Bush

To show that his energy bill is about more than drilling for oil in Alaska. This week President Bush visited a plant in Virginia that turned soy beans into a clean burning diesel fuel; which the president hopes one day will be used to fuel oil drilling machines in Alaska.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes From Weekend Update on “Saturday Night Live” George W. Bush

Gay people don’t actually try to convert people… that’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

People Gays Jehovah's Witnesses

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Children Family From 'A Mother's Prayer for Her Child'

Al Qaeda on Friday released a statement confirming the death of Osama Bin Laden. They also announced that, as a result, Monday will be a half-day.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes From Weekend Update on “Saturday Night Live” Osama bin Laden

In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students… there were no survivors.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Arms Conflict Guns NRA

According to a new poll, Democrats are favoring Hillary Clinton for the Democratic presidential nominee for 2008; Democrats say they are looking for a fresh and exciting new way to get their asses handed to them.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes From Weekend Update on “Saturday Night Live” Hillary Clinton

I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society…unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Things Photoshop

Jack: We are lovers.
Liz: That word bums me out unless it’s between the words “meat” and “pizza”.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes As Liz Lemon in “30 Rock”

A Senate committee on Thursday approved a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage, apparently forgetting that our forefathers wore wigs and satin Capri pants.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes

U2 lead singer Bono met with President Bush at the White House this week. Bono urged the president to help the world’s poor; Bush urged Bono to get back with Cher.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes From Weekend Update on “Saturday Night Live” George W. Bush

Last week, Hurricane Wilma grew into the strongest storm ever recorded in the Atlantic, with sustained winds at 175 miles per hour… or, as it’s called around FEMA, ‘Casual Friday’.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes From Weekend Update on “Saturday Night Live”

A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby's temperature; plus, it really teaches the baby who's boss.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Health Babies Rectal thermometers Temperature

South Dakota Gov. Mike Rounds on Monday signed legislation banning almost all abortions in the state; as a result, South Dakota is changing its motto from ‘Under God, the People Rule’ to ‘You should have thought of that before prom.’

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes

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Author: Tina Fey

If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs; if you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.

When Martha Stewart reported to prison yesterday, she was subjected to an invasive strip search that included a squat and cough, during which she laid two perfect blue speckled eggs.

Kenneth: Your landlord called and he says it's not the toilet, it's you.
Liz: That's his opinion.

Tracy: So what’s your religion, Liz Lemon?
Liz: I pretty much do whatever Oprah tells me to do.

Jack: We are lovers.
Liz: That word bums me out unless it’s between the words “meat” and “pizza”.

My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.

Bossypants

If Bush’s [overall approval ratings] don’t improve, he could become the first president held back and forced to repeat his presidency.

To show that his energy bill is about more than drilling for oil in Alaska. This week President Bush visited a plant in Virginia that turned soy beans into a clean burning diesel fuel; which the president hopes one day will be used to fuel oil drilling machines in Alaska.

Gay people don’t actually try to convert people… that’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

Al Qaeda on Friday released a statement confirming the death of Osama Bin Laden. They also announced that, as a result, Monday will be a half-day.

In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students… there were no survivors.

According to a new poll, Democrats are favoring Hillary Clinton for the Democratic presidential nominee for 2008; Democrats say they are looking for a fresh and exciting new way to get their asses handed to them.

I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society…unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool.

Jack: We are lovers.
Liz: That word bums me out unless it’s between the words “meat” and “pizza”.

A Senate committee on Thursday approved a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage, apparently forgetting that our forefathers wore wigs and satin Capri pants.

U2 lead singer Bono met with President Bush at the White House this week. Bono urged the president to help the world’s poor; Bush urged Bono to get back with Cher.

Last week, Hurricane Wilma grew into the strongest storm ever recorded in the Atlantic, with sustained winds at 175 miles per hour… or, as it’s called around FEMA, ‘Casual Friday’.

A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby's temperature; plus, it really teaches the baby who's boss.

South Dakota Gov. Mike Rounds on Monday signed legislation banning almost all abortions in the state; as a result, South Dakota is changing its motto from ‘Under God, the People Rule’ to ‘You should have thought of that before prom.’