Subject: Work

I would not want to be a mobile home repo man… Knock knock… “Hi, would you go cut your grass and look that way for a half an hour?”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Occupations Work

We’re all endowed with God-given talents… mine happens to be hitting people in the head.

American boxing champion
Boxing Occupations Sports

I’ll never forget the time they gave me a farewell party at work. I was so surprised – I didn’t even know I was fired.

comedian
Work

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot; finish last in medical school and they call you doctor.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Doctors Health Occupations Sports Work

Acting is merely the art of keeping a large number of people from coughing.

(1902 – 1983) English actor
Acting Entertainment Occupations

There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Entertainment Work

All I do is hit somebody in the mouth; it’s a whole lot easier than working for a living.

(1950 – ) American boxer & actor
Boxing Sports Work

Sometimes I wish I could do at least one thing at a time.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Work

Generals who can write always make me nervous.

(1921 – ) American newspaper editor
Government Military Occupations

The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist.

Murphy’s Laws Occupations Work

To err is human; to loaf, Parisian.

(1802 – 1885) French writer
People Places Work

The Lord taught me to love everybody, but the last ones I learned to love were the sportswriters.

(1922 – ) American baseball player & manager
Baseball Occupations Sports Work

I got a new job stitching shoes; it was so-so.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Occupations Work

The amount of work to be done increases in proportion to the amount of work already completed.

Murphy’s Laws Work

Dinosaurs with Jobs

Book Titles Occupations Work

Security isn’t. Management can’t. Sales promotions don’t. Customer assistance doesn’t. Worker’s won’t.

Murphy’s Laws Work

If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.

(1933 – 1997) Anglo-French billionaire financier
Money Work

You know it’s time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Housework Work

After a salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you had before.

Money Murphy’s Laws Work

A teacher is someone who talks in our sleep!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Education Occupations Sleep

Executive Ability: The art of getting the credit for all the hard work that somebody else does.

Definitions Work