Subject: Activities » Travel

When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist

The time to enjoy a European tour is about three weeks after you unpack.

(1672 – 1719) English essasyist, poet & politician

There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you’re anxious to meet people who do.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor

The faster the plane, the narrower the seats.

The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist

I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor

My wife and I can never agree on holidays… I want to fly to exotic places and stay in five-star hotels… and she wants to come with me.

comedian

Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything.

(1934 – 1997) journalist

The transatlantic crossing was so rough the only thing that I could keep on my stomach was the first mate.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

I live in a two-income household… but who knows how long my mom can keep that up.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer

Except that right-side-up is best, there is not much to learn about holding a baby.

(1918 – 2001) American sportswriter, commentator & actor

The last rush-hour express bus to your neighborhood leaves five minutes before you get off work.

He travels fastest who travels alone… but he hasn’t anything to do when he gets there.

At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging; then I imagined it was a broken massage chair and I kinda liked it; that’s why there’s graffiti and babies.

(1978 – ) American actress, writer & comedian

Those who live closest arrive latest.

It always takes longer to get there than to get back.

When there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge placed at random, and there are only two cars on that road, it follows that: (1) the two cars are going in opposite directions, and (2) they will always meet at the bridge.

The strength of the turbulence is directly proportional to the temperature of your coffee.

The secret of dealing successfully with a child is not to be its parent.

(1927 – ) American cartoonist (Momma)

All buses heading in the opposite direction drive off the face of the earth and never return.

You can travel fifty thousand miles in America without once tasting a piece of good bread.

(1891 – 1980) novelist & painter