Subject: Definitions (Page 61)

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X Chromosome: Sex chromosome responsible for the desire of dust ruffles, pillow shams, potpourris soap operas and ballroom dancing.

Definitions People Women

Sarong: A simple garment carrying the implicit promise that it will not long stay in place.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Intelligent conversationalist: One who nods his head in agreement while you’re talking.

Communication Conversation Definitions Intelligence Speech

Justice: A decision in your favor.

Definitions

Traffic Light: A trick to get pedestrians halfway across the street safely.

Autos Definitions Things

Home: A place where a man is free to say anything he pleases because no one pays any attention to him.

Definitions Places

Memorial Service: A farewell party for someone who has already left.

Death Definitions

Martial Arts: A family of Asiatic self-defense disciplines consisting largely of sweeping ornamental gestures of the arms and legs – amusing to look at but disappointingly ineffective when one’s opponent is armed with a semi-automatic.

Definitions

Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting.

Definitions Marriage

Advertising: The rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

Eric Arthur Blair (1903 – 50) English author & journalist
Definitions

Funeral: A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.

Death Definitions

The Cocktail Party: A device for paying off obligations to people you don’t want to invite to dinner.

(1916 – 1986) American minister & author
Activities Definitions People

Phillips Screwdriver: Used  to round off Phillips screw heads.

Definitions Things

Sport: War without killing.

Definitions

Sympathy: What one usually gives to a friend or relative when he doesn’t want to lend him money.

Definitions Emotions

White Supremacists: The most convincing argument against the theory of white racial superiority.

Beliefs Definitions Intelligence People

State-of-the-Art: Soon-to-be-obsolete.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Amusement Park: A walled city populated mainly by teenagers, who willingly pay to have their bodies and brains agitated on a variety of fiendish contraptions designed to induce vomiting.

Definitions

Accordion Music: Noise that comes from playing both ends against the middle.

Definitions Entertainment Music

Idiot: A man who sees your point in an argument but refuses to see your way.

Definitions Intelligence

Etiquette: A convenient code of conduct which makes lying a virtue and snobbishness a righteous deed.

Definitions