Subject: Definitions (Page 61)

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Interior Decorator: A man who does things to your house he wouldn’t dream of doing to his own.

Definitions Occupations

Academy Awards: A place where everyone lets off esteem.

Definitions

Diagnosis: A physician’s forecast of the disease by the patient’s pulse and purse.

Definitions Health

Karate: The ancient Japanese art of getting people to buy lots of belts.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian
Definitions

Wife: A former sweetheart.

Definitions Marriage

Casserole: A method used by ingenious cooks to get rid of leftovers.

Definitions Food/Drink

Spinster: An unlusted number.

Definitions People Women

Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Computers Definitions Things

Venereal Disease: Germs of endearment.

Definitions Health

Statistician: One who knows which numbers to use in any eventuality.

Definitions Occupations

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich by promising to protect each from the other.

(1870-1943) German-American politician, socialist & writer
Definitions Government Politics

Groom: Least important member of wedding party, whose only duties are to show up on time, remember the ring, and try not to be drunk.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

An allowance is what you pay your children to live with you.

Children Definitions Family

Banker: A pawn broker with a manicure.

Definitions Occupations Work

Babysitter: A teenager you pay $7 an hour to eat $20 worth of snacks.

Definitions

Diagnosis: A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Health Language Money

Umbrella: A shelter for one and a shower for two.

Definitions Things

Friends: There are two kinds of friends – those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you.

Definitions Friends People

Diploma: A job-hunting license.

Definitions

Sunday School: A prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents.

Definitions

Golf: A long walk broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.

Definitions Golf Sports