Music | Just-One-Liners.com

Subject: Entertainment » Music

I know [canned music] makes chickens lay more eggs and factory workers produce more, but how much more can they get out of you on an elevator?

Victor Borge

(1909 – 2000) Danish-born comedian & pianist

Extraordinary how potent cheap music is.

Noel Coward

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter

Entertainment Music

I practice when I’m loaded.

Zoot Sims

(1925 – 1985) American jazz saxophonist

Alcohol Entertainment Music When asked how he could play so well when he was loaded

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Dance Entertainment Intelligence Music Sanity

The chief objection of playing wind instruments is that it prolongs the life of the player.

George Bernard Shaw

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

Entertainment Music Wind instruments

The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher

Age Entertainment Music Old People

I can’t listen to that much Wagner… I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.

Woody Allen

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Conflict Entertainment Music Places War Poland Wagner

Piano: A parlor utensil for subduing the impertinent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.

Ambrose Bierce

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Definitions Entertainment Music Things Piano

Berlioz, musically speaking, is a lunatic; a classical composer only in Paris, the great city of quacks.

Dramatic and Musical Review

Entertainment Insults Music Places Of French composer Hector Berlioz Paris

Tonight I’m going to listen with my ears.

Eugene Ormandy

(1899 – 1985) Hungarian-born conductor & violinist

Entertainment Misspokements Music Listening

Assassins!

Arturo Toscanini

(1867 – 1957) Italian conductor

Music Reviews/Criticism Said to his orchestra

A composer for one right hand.

Richard Wagner

(1813 – 1883) German composer, conductor, theatre director & essayist

Entertainment Insults Music On Frederic Chopin

When I need a little advice about Saddam Hussein, I turn to country music.

George H. W. Bush

(1924 – 2018) 41st U.S. president

Government Ideas Intelligence Music Saddam Hussein

Even when you are not playing you are holding me back.

Eugene Ormandy

(1899 – 1985) Hungarian-born conductor & violinist

Misspokements Music Conducting

Art is long and life is short; here is evidently the explanation of a Brahms symphony.

Edward Lorne

Insults Music Brahms

Brass bands are all very well in their place – outdoors and several miles away.

Thomas Beecham

(1879 – 1961) English conductor

Entertainment Music Brass bands

He should take the horse hairs out of his bow and return them to the tail of the horse.

Fred Allen

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

Entertainment Music Jack Benny Violin

When an opera star sings her head off, she usually improves her appearance.

Victor Borge

(1909 – 2000) Danish-born comedian & pianist

Appearance Entertainment Music Opera

It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf.

Walter Lippmann

(1889 – 1974) American intellectual, writer, reporter & political commentator

Entertainment Intelligence Music Wisdom Audiences

All the good music has already been written by people with wigs and stuff.

Frank Zappa

(1940 – 1993) composer, guitarist, record producer & film director