Subject: Entertainment » Music

I know [canned music] makes chickens lay more eggs and factory workers produce more, but how much more can they get out of you on an elevator?

(1909 – 2000) Danish-born comedian & pianist

Extraordinary how potent cheap music is.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter

I practice when I’m loaded.

(1925 – 1985) American jazz saxophonist

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

The chief objection of playing wind instruments is that it prolongs the life of the player.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher

I can’t listen to that much Wagner… I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Piano: A parlor utensil for subduing the impertinent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Berlioz, musically speaking, is a lunatic; a classical composer only in Paris, the great city of quacks.

Tonight I’m going to listen with my ears.

(1899 – 1985) Hungarian-born conductor & violinist

Assassins!

(1867 – 1957) Italian conductor

A composer for one right hand.

(1813 – 1883) German composer, conductor, theatre director & essayist

When I need a little advice about Saddam Hussein, I turn to country music.

(1924 – 2018) 41st U.S. president

Even when you are not playing you are holding me back.

(1899 – 1985) Hungarian-born conductor & violinist

Art is long and life is short; here is evidently the explanation of a Brahms symphony.

Brass bands are all very well in their place – outdoors and several miles away.

(1879 – 1961) English conductor

He should take the horse hairs out of his bow and return them to the tail of the horse.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

When an opera star sings her head off, she usually improves her appearance.

(1909 – 2000) Danish-born comedian & pianist

It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf.

(1889 – 1974) American intellectual, writer, reporter & political commentator

All the good music has already been written by people with wigs and stuff.

(1940 – 1993) composer, guitarist, record producer & film director

Harpist: A plucky musician.