Subject: Hollywood Squares (Page 19)

Peter Marshall: You became a mother two months ago. And you’ve been feeling a bit depressed lately. According to Cosmopolitan magazine, is this normal?

Paul Lynde: I hate these stretch marks!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Arthur Hailey had a very successful movie and novel called Hotel. He has a new best seller about another stopover point. What is it called?

Charlie Weaver: Service Station.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?

Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire recently announced that after 30 years, they’re going to do something together one more time. What?

Paul Lynde: Trade hairpieces.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: You are married in India. How did you probably meet your spouse?

Paul Lynde: We were fighting over a lima bean.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In one state, you can deduct $5 from a traffic ticket if you show the officer… what?

Paul Lynde: A ten dollar bill.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to The Book of Fairies, who is that creature who stands 14 inches tall, is 400 years old, and is dressed all in Lincoln green?

Paul Lynde:  The Emperor Hirohito.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… every day, about 10 million American women take the pill.

Paul Lynde: And I could name 'em all!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Which performing team were the stars of Ed Sullivan’s first TV show?

Paul Lynde: Aretha and Benjamin Franklin.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Is it possible to drink too much water?

Paul Lynde: Yes, it’s called drowning!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Julie Nixon Eisenhower recently told reporters “You don’t know what a relief it is not to worry about having them around all the time!.” What are “they?”

Paul Lynde: Mom and Dad.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

John Davidson: What did Noah finally do at the age of 952?

Joan Rivers: Paid for his daughter’s wedding.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Eddie Fisher says that he hasn’t had one in eight years, but he’s looking. For what?

Paul Lynde: Oh, an accompanist who takes MasterCard.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… drinking alcohol reduces the amount of male hormones in your body? 

George Gobel: You can’t scare me!

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, can you get an elephant drunk?

Paul Lynde: Yes, but he still won't go up to your apartment.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Tom Bergeron: How does a comet get its tail?

Peter Marshall [as a contestant]:  Oh, the same as everyone else I guess, a little cognac, a Barry White CD…

(1926 – ) American television personality & game show host
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to The People’s Handbook Of Medical Care, it’s the single-most important factor in letting you know that something is wrong with you. What is it?

George Gobel: It’s when people pass you on the street, and go “YECCH!”

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: A soap opera in Australia called “Number 96” offers audiences something that no American soap opera has. What?

Paul Lynde: An unfaithful kangaroo.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?

Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.

(1924 – 2006) American comedic actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: If you’re going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?

Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: You’re equipped with a pick, a sieve, and a shallow pan. What are you about to do?

Paul Lynde: Joan Crawford’s eyebrows.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares