Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Hollywood Squares
(Page 21)
Peter Marshall: When you go shopping, is there any difference between irregulars and seconds?Charley Weaver: Out at the home, when I have seconds I get irregular.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to the World Book, is it okay to freeze your persimmons?Paul Lynde: No. You should dress warmly.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Eva Gabor says she dislikes a particular word because it signals the end of something that started out so beautifully. What word?Paul Lynde: Pregnant.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In a famous fairy tale, a queen is bathing when a frog jumps out of the water and says, “Thy wish shall be fulfilled.” What was the queen’s wish?Paul Lynde: She wanted the frog to talk dirty.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… Paul…champagne glasses were designed to resemble Marie Antoinette’s bosom?Paul Lynde: And we have Karen (Valentine) to thank for the shot glass!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, what is the name of the small musical intrument shaped like a triangle?Paul Lynde: Connie Stevens.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, when the citizens of China want a drink of water, they usually do something to it first. What?Paul Lynde: Remove the shirts.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Where would you be most likely to find climbing clematis?Wally Cox: Right now, you’d be most likely to find him in jail.
Wally Cox
(1924 – 1973) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
John Davidson: What is a bee fly?George Gobel: A zipper on a bee’s jeans.
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, True or false… the University of Nebraska was recently given $185,000 for an extensive study of the prune.Paul Lynde: There goes $185,000 down the drain!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, how many fingers in the Girl Scout salute?Paul Lynde: Gee, I don't remember. The last time I saw it was when I didn't buy their cookies.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather?Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, the Rio Grande River separates Texas and Mexico. What does “Rio Grande” mean in Spanish?Paul Lynde: El Washing Machine.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… Paul, Gypsy folklore says that God created man by baking him in an oven.
Paul Lynde: [turns and looks at Black singer Leslie Uggams] Looks like you were overcooked.
[Leslie Uggams laughed so hard she was lying across the desk.]
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: President Washington once said quote “I would rather be in my grave than in…” what?Paul Lynde: Grant’s tomb.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, do most people sleep better in their street clothes than in their pajamas?Paul Lynde: Yeah, we call them winos.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Richard Burton wants one very much, but Liz is reported to be afraid to give him one. One what?Paul Lynde: The
Certs
breath test.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In the literary world, who kept saying ‘I think I can, I think I can?’
Charley Weaver: Well, out at the home, that was Mr. Ferguson. And Mrs. Ferguson kept saying '’ wish he would! I wish he would!’
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, what do you call a group of germs?Paul Lynde: A Panzer division.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Why do people refer to ships as “she?”Charlie Weaver: Because both have round bottoms.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: What is the name of the instrument with the light on the end, that the doctor sticks in your ear? Paul Lynde: Oh, a cigarette.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Page 21 of 22
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