Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Hollywood Squares
(Page 8)
Peter Marshall: Robert Young recently stated, “I never, never give…” something to his fans who ask for it. What?Paul Lynde: A hysterectomy.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to the Bible, they never get old, and not one of them has been known to get sick. Who are they? Charo: The Osmonds
Charo
(1951 – ) Spanish-American actress, comedian & flamenco guitarist
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to experts, is it ever a good idea to sleep with the window open?Rose Marie: I won’t say what I sleep with!
Rose Marie
(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: U.S. News and World Report says Governor Reagan has recently been deluged with a tremendous amount of requests that he do one particular thing. What is it? Suzanne Pleshette: Retire.
Suzanne Pleshette
(1937 – 2008) American actress
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Your date’s had a great shock, now she’s fainted. According to experts you should loosen her clothing, and do one other thing. What?Paul Lynde: Send a postcard requesting an ambulance.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
John Davidson: What’s the worst thing to have around the house?Rose Marie: Vacuum cleaners!
Rose Marie
(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: When Henry Kissinger recently visited Japan, he went to a Geisha House, now how did he spent his time in the Geisha House?Paul Lynde: Oh, negotiating for “peace!”
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to an executive report of the Dallas Morning News, is a person ever too old to get his teeth straightened? Charley Weaver: Well now, that would be my second choice.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, Broderick Crawford says that he is often mistaken for…. Paul Lynde: A dump truck.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: What should you do if your parakeet has a temperature of 112 degrees?Paul Lynde: Baste him!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… in Egypt, they grow a special kind of cotton that is multi-colored.Paul Lynde: And white people have to pick it!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to Billy Graham, can you get anything you’ve always wanted in Heaven, if you didn’t get it on Earth?Charley Weaver: Yes, but there’s an extra charge for the whitewalls.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to FEMA, people from Florida should be prepared for hurricanes and people from the Midwest should be prepared for floods. What should people from California be prepared for?Charley Weaver: The people from Florida and the people from the Midwest.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… having a good memory is a sign of a well-adjusted personality.Karen Valentine: What was the question?
Karen Valentine
(1947 – ) American actress
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to
The Book of Fairies,
who is that creature who stands 14 inches tall, is 400 years old, and is dressed all in Lincoln green?Paul Lynde: The Emperor Hirohito.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: What was Rudyard Kipling describing when he wrote about a “rag-a-bone” and a “hank-a-hair?”George Gobel: His unsuccessful attempt to shoot his wife out of a cannon.
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Whose motto is “Do Your Best?”Paul Lynde: I guess we can rule out Jimmy Carter…
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Why is the booby bird called the booby bird? Karen Valentine: Because they have big… feet.
Karen Valentine
(1947 – ) American actress
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In a recent
TV Guide
interview, Paul Lynde said that he has been cursed with something all his life. What?Charley Weaver: Four letter words!
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, you have a 9 year old son who constantly wets the bed. What should you do?Paul Lynde: Get rid of him!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Is it possible to housebreak an elephant? George Gobel: Yes, but don’t try it during a newspaper strike.
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Page 8 of 22
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