Subject: Hollywood Squares (Page 9)

Peter Marshall: You’re equipped with a pick, a sieve, and a shallow pan. What are you about to do?

Paul Lynde: Joan Crawford’s eyebrows.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Bert Parks:  Is it true or false… that chickens who live near airports, lay more eggs, than chickens who live near railroads tracks?

Wally Cox (after audience laughter): I don’t see anything to laugh about!  (more laughter) I think it’s very obvious… Chicks who live near airports are more nervous than chicks who live near tracks. 

(1924 – 1973) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the old song, “At night, when you’re asleep, into your tent I’ll creep.” Who am I?

Paul Lynde: The scoutmaster!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Eddie Fisher recently stated, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for them both.” Who or what was he referring to?

Paul Lynde: His fans.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  Who said, “Richard Nixon was the most difficult man I ever had to paint?”

Charlie Weaver: Earl Scheib. [A company which specialized in repainting automobiles]

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Teddy Roosevelt maintained that he had something removed from two United States coins purely for the sake of art. What?

Paul Lynde: The bottom half of the buffalo.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  Wally, True or false… your teeth are made primarily of ivory?

Wally Cox:  Yes.  First you take an elephant…

(1924 – 1973) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What are “Do It”, “I Can Help” and “Can’t Get Enough”?

George Gobel: I don’t know, but it’s coming from the next apartment.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Can traffic noises affect your sexual prowess?

Jim Backus: Yes, so you should pull over and park.

(1913 – 1989) American radio, television, film & voice actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Is it possible for the puppies in a litter to have more than one daddy?

Paul Lynde: Why, that bitch!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, how many fingers in the Girl Scout salute?

Paul Lynde: Gee, I don't remember. The last time I saw it was when I didn't buy their cookies.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Flip Wilson has said that he’s eaten about 2,000 of them and enjoyed them immensely.  To what was he referring?

Paul Lynde: Missionaries

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Will a goose help warn you if there’s an intruder on your property?

Paul Lynde: There’s no better way!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Eddie, according to the Institute of Motivational Research, a wife should beware if another woman takes an interest in a certain item of her husband’s clothing. What item?

Ed Asner: Well, shorts immediately springs to my mind.

(1929 – ) American actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What did the Lone Ranger always leave behind when he left town?

Paul Lynde: A masked baby.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, what is the Mister Yuk sticker meant to be put on?

Paul Lynde: Oh, motel bedspreads

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to Apartment Life magazine, can you tell anything significant about the personality of a person whose apartment has brown carpeting, brown furniture and brown walls?

Paul Lynde: Yes, their maid just exploded. 

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?

Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I’m too busy growing strawberries!

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Is it normal for Norwegians to talk to trees?

Paul Lynde: As long as that’s as far as it goes.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: You're on a yacht, and you're seasick.  According to Emily Post, should you tell your host?

Paul Lynde: No, let him find out for himself.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Are there any nudist camps in Italy?

Paul Lynde: No, the flies would eat you alive.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares