Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 14)

They never could set horses.

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Like a martin to his gourd

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Darn it, I tumped over my tea.

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I’ve always felt sorry for Jesus ‘cause you know no matter what he ever did, he could never live up to his father.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
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Just because a chicken has wings doesn't mean it can fly.

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I’ll never forget the time that skunk got under the house and Grandpa went under to get him…. boy, it smelled for months… you know, that was the last time we ever saw Grandpa.

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Marriage is a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose

(1898 – 1983) English author, playwright, journalist, composer & public speaker
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I'm fixin' to go down the road a piece.

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Sure as a cat's got climbing gear.

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Any man, in the right situation, is capable of murder, but not any man is capable of being a good camper… so, murder and camping are not as similar as you might think.

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I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.

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If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber’s calf, he would’ve never started Christianity.

(1974 – ) American comedian
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I’m goin’ to be on you quicker than a duck on a June bug.

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I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.

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Built like a brick shithouse

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Too Fat Polka

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He’s dumber than a day old pig.

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If the Lord’s willing and the creeks don’t rise.

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I Can’t Get Over You, So Why Don’t You Get Under Me?

Miscellaneous Song Titles

Why are they called apartments when they’re all stuck together?

(1946 – ) American comedian
Miscellaneous Wordplay

If you ever feel like you’re on the verge of a nervous breakdown, just follow these simple rules: first, calm down; second, come over and wash my car; third, shine all my shoes; there, isn’t that better?

Miscellaneous