Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 14)

He’s so tight you could shove a quarter up his ass and he’d grind it into a dime.

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If my dog was ugly as you, I’d shave his butt and make him walk backwards.

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I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well

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Hotter than Satan’s housecat.

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I'm gonna put knots on yor head faster than you can rub them.

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Wasn’t to no age.

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In the first castles, I bet a common mistake was putting the torture room next to the master bedroom. Boy, you’re just not going to get good sleep that way.

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The bathtub was invented in 1850 and the telephone in 1875 … In other words, if you had been living in 1850, you could have sat in the bathtub for 25 years without having to answer the phone.

(1902 – 1982) American professional baseball executive & club owner
Miscellaneous Things

Spent the last 3 days, alone, trying to learn escapology… I need to get out more.

(1980 – ) English magician & comedian
Miscellaneous Wordplay

Gooder than grits

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Old as dirt

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I never made a mistake in my life… I thought I did once, but I was wrong.

cartoon character in, Peanuts, by Charles Schulz (1922 – 2000)
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In terms of instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
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Fly off the handle

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I’ll cloud up and rain all over you.

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Fix your plate.

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If there was a terrible storm outside, but somehow this dog lived through the storm, and he showed up at your door when the storm was finally over, I think a good name for him would be Carl.

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It’s been saucered and blowed.

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Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes; after that, who cares? … he’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
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Like a two-forty trot

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He is purple – the gay-pride color, and his antenna is shaped like a triangle – the gay pride symbol.

(1933 – 2007) Am. evangelical pastor, televangelist, & political commentator
Miscellaneous