Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 24)

Either fish or cut bait.

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He’s not wrapped too tight.

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If you ever feel like you’re on the verge of a nervous breakdown, just follow these simple rules: first, calm down; second, come over and wash my car; third, shine all my shoes; there, isn’t that better?

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He's gotta whole head full of simple.

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What are all these “other dimensions” I keep hearing about? … to me, there’s only one dimension worth anything, and that’s the good ole U.S. of A.

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Go hog wild

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Some people think that drinking and driving is wrong… and I call these people the cops; sometimes you don’t have a choice, though… those kids gotta get to school.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
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For the record, folks; I never took a shit on stage and the closest I ever came to eating shit anywhere was at a Holiday Inn buffet in Fayetteville, North Carolina.

(1940 – 1993) composer, guitarist, record producer & film director
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Don’t care if I do.

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Act like you’ve got some raisin.

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A face like a cobbler’s thumb

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I’m as confused as a termite in a yo-yo.

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It’s funny that pirates were always going around searching for treasure, and they never realized that the real treasure was the fond memories they were creating.

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Dumber than a barrel of hair

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Lower than a snake’s belly

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Thirty years one summer

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They ate supper before they said grace.

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You look the south end of a north bound cow.

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It's hotter than Georgia asphalt.

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Happier than a two peckerd billy goat.

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He's as mad as a wet hen.

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