Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 29)

As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party.

Miscellaneous

What are all these “other dimensions” I keep hearing about? … to me, there’s only one dimension worth anything, and that’s the good ole U.S. of A.

Miscellaneous

You could throw her in a river and skim ugly for two days.

Miscellaneous

Tough as a pine knot in a sawmill.

Miscellaneous

Colder than a well digger's ass

Miscellaneous

One of the bad things about panning for gold is maybe sometimes you’ll get a crawdaddy in your pan, and you start to wonder if you should give up on the gold and just go for crawdaddies; I can’t make that decision for you.

Miscellaneous

He’d have to get smarter… just to be stupid.

Miscellaneous

You are about as grateful as a toothache.

Miscellaneous

I said to my wife, ‘Guess what I heard in the pub? … They reckon the milkman has made love to every woman in this road except one’ and she said, ‘I’ll bet it’s that stuck-up Phyllis at number 23.’

typographer
Miscellaneous

Shaking like a dog shitting peach seeds.

Miscellaneous

There is still time to save the face; later we will be forced to save some other parts of a body.

(1938 – 2010) Russian politician
Miscellaneous

If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that’s another weakness.

Miscellaneous

Living With Crazy Buttocks

Miscellaneous

This is gooder'n grits.

Miscellaneous

If you put his brain in a gnat's butt, it would fly backwards.

Miscellaneous

If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of Conquistadors came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don’t think it would be a good idea to say, “I swallowed it… so sue me.”

Miscellaneous

Pencil Neck Geek

Miscellaneous

Y’all have chairs.

Miscellaneous

That gumbo will make a Chihuahua break a chain.

Miscellaneous

If you lie down with dogs, you’ll get up with fleas.

Miscellaneous

In the wake of a successful Iraqi elections President Bush’s job approval rating has jumped up to 57% or, as high school teachers call it, an ‘F’.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Miscellaneous