Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 29)

That dog won't hunt.

Miscellaneous

He don’t know daylight from dark.

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I’ll cloud up and rain all over you.

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Go piss up a rope.

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I have to laugh when I think of the first cigar, because it was probably just a bunch of rolled-up tobacco leaves.

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Eddie: Mother, are you still on the computer?

Gran: Yes, dear. Sometimes you get into a porn loop and just can’t get out.

(1925 – ) English actress
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I’m touching cotton.

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If I tell you a duck can pull a truck, shut up an hook it up.

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Shit fire and save matches

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Always… no wait… never…

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
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Proud as a dog with a hemstitched tail

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He’s not wrapped too tight.

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There are no requests for jugglers – only ‘Don’t juggle!’

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Like a buzzard in a tree waiting for a mule to die

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Not blessed with beauty…

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I'm happier than a woodpecker in a lumber yard.

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I guess if I was starving to death I would eat a dog; but not a collie, because I don’t like the taste of collie.

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He looks like the dog's been keepin' him under the porch.

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I told my doctor I want to get a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don’t need one.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
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It would be better to dress him than to feed him.

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What if nothing exists and we’re all in somebody’s dream? .. or what'’s worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
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