Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 29)

Take a slack

Miscellaneous

It was so sweet backstage, you should have seen it: the Teamsters were helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Miscellaneous

When I think of some of the things that have been done in the name of science, I have to cringe… no, wait, not science, vandalism; and not cringe, laugh.

Miscellaneous

Like getting an ox out of the ditch

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You ain’t worth a plug nickel.

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If [such and such happens] then it’s gonna be too wet to plow.

Miscellaneous

I was Caesarean born; you can’t really tell, although whenever I leave a house, I go out through the window.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Miscellaneous Self

Stomping grounds

Miscellaneous

If you’re robbing a bank and you’re pants fall down, I think it’s okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.

Miscellaneous

His mouth ain’t no prayerbook.

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I’ll knock you in the head and tell God you died.

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Don't gobble in the woods during hunting season.

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To think hard of

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Dumb as a sack of doorknobs

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He wouldn’t holler sooey if the hogs was eatin’ em.

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He’d scare a horse from his oats.

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He’s so ugly, he’s gotta sneak up on a glass of water to get a drink.

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I feel like I've been chewed up and spit out.

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The old pool shooter had won many a game in his life. But now it was time to hang up the cue. When he did, all the other cues came crashing go the floor. Sorry, he said with a smile.

Miscellaneous

I bet when they weren’t fighting, Vikings with horn helmets had to stick potatoes on the ends of the horns, so as to avoid eye-pokings to fellow Vikings and lady Vikings.

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Probably one of the worst things about being a genie in a magic lamp is a little thing called “lamp stench.”

Miscellaneous