Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 32)

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone’s neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing?

Miscellaneous

In this adventure Harry will do battle with giant lizards, face the attack of the Death Eaters, and in perhaps the most difficult task of all for a 14-year-old, ask a girl to be his date at the Yule Ball.

Miscellaneous

If I ever become a mummy, I’m going to have it so when somebody opens my lid, a boxing glove on a spring shoots out.

Miscellaneous

Peter Marshall: At NASA, what keeps the cool air running around in the spacesuits?

Paul Lynde: Itsy bitsy Eskimoes….

Miscellaneous

If a bird had his brains, he fly backwards.

Miscellaneous

I went to a cigar store, the man behind the counter asked me, "What kind of cigars do you like?" and I answered, "It's a Boys."

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Miscellaneous

He couldn't hit water if he fell out of a boat.

Miscellaneous

Give a man a fish and it will feed him for a day, give the man a fishing rod and he will sell it for more fish, or burn it for firewood.

(1968 – ) English impressionist & comedian
Miscellaneous Proverbs

Sleepier than a river coon

Miscellaneous

Give me some sugar.

Miscellaneous

Cathead biscuit

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I ate dinner last night at a friend of mine’s house and he has – what do you call those things? … a baby.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Miscellaneous

Too slow to keep worms in a tin.

Miscellaneous

Every dog has his day.

Miscellaneous

If I was a cowboy in a lynch mob, I think I’d try to stay near the back; that way, if somebody shamed us into disbanding, I could sort of slip off to the side and pretend I was window-shopping or something.

Miscellaneous

I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, yahoo, I’d have all my money back.

Miscellaneous

Cooler than a flip side of a down pillow.

Miscellaneous

You kin put your boots in the oven – but that don’t make ‘em biscuits.

Miscellaneous

Fly off the handle

Miscellaneous

If you are in trouble and told to go out and cut your own switch…don’t come back with a little one…that ain’t going to work for ya.

Miscellaneous

When I picked up the little dead mouse that my cat had killed, at first I felt sad… then I felt hungry; I forget what happened after that.

Miscellaneous