Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 33)

I read that when the archaeologists dug down into the ancient cemetery, they found fragments of human bones! What kind of barbarians were these people, anyway?

Miscellaneous

This mall Santa seems insulted that I put down that protective paper before sitting on his lap.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
Miscellaneous

It’s comin’ down a toad-floater.

Miscellaneous

Eddie: Mother, are you still on the computer?

Gran: Yes, dear. Sometimes you get into a porn loop and just can’t get out.

(1925 – ) English actress
Miscellaneous

Like a bug arguing with a chicken

Miscellaneous

She’s so poor she ain’t got two nickels to rub together.

Miscellaneous

You're diggin’ your own grave.

Miscellaneous

There was probably an old Viking saying that said, “Ax in the head, early to bed; ax in the helmet, a friend of Helmut.”

Miscellaneous

He’d skin a flea for the hide and tallow.

Miscellaneous

She looks like she was rode hard and put up wet.

Miscellaneous

He gets Tuesday’s paper on Friday.

Miscellaneous

Ain’t got both oars in the water

Miscellaneous

Marriage is a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose

(1898 – 1983) English author, playwright, journalist, composer & public speaker
Miscellaneous

I swaney, Mama shoulda named me Grace.

Miscellaneous

To put the spit on the apple.

Miscellaneous

I've had an apple out of that bag.

Miscellaneous

Righter en rain?

Miscellaneous

When a dog is tight-mouthed

Miscellaneous

He's as mad as a wet hen.

Miscellaneous

Lower than a snake in a wagon track.

Miscellaneous

I went to see a hypnotist the other night and I really enjoyed myself, which made me suspicious…

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Miscellaneous