Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 45)

I guess I’ll never forget her. And maybe I don't want to. Her spirit was wild, like a wild monkey. Her beauty was like a beautiful horse being ridden by a wild monkey. I forget her other qualities.

Miscellaneous

If I had a nickname, I think I would want it to be “Prince of Weasels”, because then I could go up and bite people and they would turn around and go, “What the – ?” And then they would recognize me, and go, “Oh, it’s you, the Prince of Weasels.”

Miscellaneous

Y'all stay the night. We don’t have extra beds, but I’m sure we can find a nail to hang you on.

Miscellaneous

I sold my house this week… I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Miscellaneous Things

To put the spit on the apple.

Miscellaneous

Don’t Roll Those Bloodshot Eyes At Me

Miscellaneous

Instead of a Seeing Eye dog, what about a gun? … it’s cheaper than a dog, plus if you walk around shooting all the time, people are going to get out of the way… cars too!

Miscellaneous

I read that when the archaeologists dug down into the ancient cemetery, they found fragments of human bones! What kind of barbarians were these people, anyway?

Miscellaneous

In school they told me “Practice makes perfect.” … and then they told me “Nobody’s perfect,” so then I stopped practicing.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Miscellaneous

I think it should be a law that if you ever get sucked up into a tornado, whatever you can grab with your hands while you’re swirling around up there, you get to keep.

Miscellaneous

Is a pig's ass pork?

Miscellaneous

She Even Woke Me Up to Say Goodbye

Miscellaneous

We didn't plan to take 'em to raise.

Miscellaneous

I guess if I was starving to death I would eat a dog; but not a collie, because I don’t like the taste of collie.

Miscellaneous

Spring chicken

Miscellaneous

I wanted to be that cranky old guy that stands on his porch and yells at the neighborhood kids.

(1928 – 1994) American actor
Miscellaneous

Ain’t got both oars in the water

Miscellaneous

When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.

Miscellaneous

Heart, We Did All We Could

Miscellaneous

Colder than a stepmother’s kiss

Miscellaneous

Chugged full.

Miscellaneous