Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 49)

Oooo weee… I see Christmas.

Miscellaneous

Do it up brown

Miscellaneous

If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of Conquistadors came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don’t think it would be a good idea to say, “I swallowed it… so sue me.”

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like trying to herd cats

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Go piss up a rope.

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If I was a cowboy in a lynch mob, I think I’d try to stay near the back; that way, if somebody shamed us into disbanding, I could sort of slip off to the side and pretend I was window-shopping or something.

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The bell cow

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I bet the sparrow looks at the parrot and thinks, yes, you can talk, but LISTEN TO YOURSELF!

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In school they told me “Practice makes perfect.” … and then they told me “Nobody’s perfect,” so then I stopped practicing.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
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A face like a boiled fist

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Intercourse,  Pennsylvania

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I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket & flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Miscellaneous Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

She Broken My Heart, So I Broke His Jaw

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Quit bein’ ugly.

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Lower than a snake in a wagon track.

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Breast baby

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Well, that puts the tassel on the cap.

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Friendship is like peeing your pants; everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.

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What a crowd, what a turnout.

(1946 – ) American cretin & 45th U.S. president
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In the marble orchard.

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The fly in the ointment.

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