Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 49)

He’s so mean a rattlesnake bit him five times and died.

Miscellaneous

He didn't get there on a paved road.

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Devil's beating his wife with a frying pan

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If your kid makes one of those little homemade guitars out of a cigar box and rubber bands, don’t let him just play it once or twice and then throw it away. Make him practice on it, every day, for about three hours a day. Later, he’ll thank you.

Miscellaneous

Oral Sadism And The Vegetarian Personality

,
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He’s gone to hell in a hand basket.

Miscellaneous

Pass some words

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He’s not wrapped too tight.

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A fine howdy-do

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He is one ass kicking away from being a pretty nice fellow.

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He's three days older than Moses.

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She could ruin a two-car funeral.

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I was Caesarean born; you can’t really tell, although whenever I leave a house, I go out through the window.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Miscellaneous Self

It's so hot that it makes me want to take off my skin and sit in my bones.

Miscellaneous

Laugh, clown, laugh; this is what I tell myself whenever I dress up like Bozo.

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I ate dinner last night at a friend of mine’s house and he has – what do you call those things? … a baby.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
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Deader than a door nail

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Going ninety to nothin'

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He’s as poor as Job’s turkey.

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My mom used to stick her head in the oven. Actually she only did it the once, but it was pretty weird.

(1963 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Miscellaneous

I hope no one is allergic to nuts… because I like to rest mine on the table.

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
Miscellaneous