Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 50)

Well tie me to a pig and role me in the mud!

Miscellaneous

This ain’t the first time I’ve brought chicken to a fish fry.

Miscellaneous

When I was a baby I had no teeth, I couldn't get a job and I couldn't eat meat.

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I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver, and since he is so busy, you’d probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him.

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He ran like his feet were on fire and his ass was catchin'.

Miscellaneous

Jesus Loves Me But He Can’t Stand You

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It's so hot that it makes me want to take off my skin and sit in my bones.

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Once bread is toast, it can't be bread again.

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Grace the table.

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To think hard of

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Return an answer.

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He took in a lot of mules.

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It is so hot… chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.

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Hotter than a two dollar pistol.

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It’s probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you’re talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something?

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You need to count your fingers after shaking hands with him.

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Let me be the first to tweet about the 2018 earthquake.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Miscellaneous

Some folks say it was a miracle. St. Francis suddenly appeared and knocked the next pitch clean over the fence. Other folks say it was just a lucky swing.

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He’d make a cat laugh.

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Scripted down

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I think man invented the car by instinct.

Miscellaneous