Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 50)

I’m not sure I want to get the nickname “The Love Machine,” because how does that affect my nickname now, which is “The Lawn-Cutting Machine?”

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A Boy Named Sue

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Sometimes something worth doing is worth overdoing.

(1909 – 1966) Polish poet, writer & aphorist
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Meaner 'n a rattlesnake.

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Let me hug your neck.

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It’s hotter than the hinges of Hell.

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I’m just guessing, but probably one of the early signs that your radarscope is wearing out is something I call “image fuzz-out,” but I’ve never even seen a radarscope, so I wouldn’t totally go by what I’ve just said here.

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When you die, if you go somewhere where they ask you a bunch of questions about your life and what you learned and all, I think a good way to get out of it is just to say, ‘No speaka English.”

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Louder than two skeletons fighting on a tin roof.

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He’s dumber than a day old pig.

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Pretty as you please

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Act like you’ve got some raisin.

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Dumber than a stump

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He would steal the shitball from a blind tumblebug, give him a marble and put him on the wrong road home.

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I guess if I was starving to death I would eat a dog; but not a collie, because I don’t like the taste of collie.

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Couldn't hit her in the butt with a red apple.

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He could go bear hunting with a switch.

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He could tear up a railroad track with a rubber hammer.

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Everybody’s in the same pew

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I bet a funny thing about driving a car off a cliff is, while you’re in midair, you still hit those brakes.

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I read that when the archaeologists dug down into the ancient cemetery, they found fragments of human bones! What kind of barbarians were these people, anyway?

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