Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 51)

I now know I’m psychic, because every time I go see a fortune teller, I know everything she says will be absolute bullshit ahead of time.

Miscellaneous Occupations

Never laugh at a man, until you have walked a mile in his shoes; then you are a mile away, and you have his shoes.

Miscellaneous

He is purple – the gay-pride color, and his antenna is shaped like a triangle – the gay pride symbol.

(1933 – 2007) Am. evangelical pastor, televangelist, & political commentator
Miscellaneous

… I hadn’t the heart to touch my breakfast; I told Jeeves to drink it himself.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Miscellaneous

Speaker: I have only ten minutes and hardly know where to begin.

Voice in the back: Begin at the ninth.

Communication Miscellaneous Speech

Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!

Miscellaneous

Don’t go off with your pistol half cocked.

Miscellaneous

You're a dime holdin’ up a dollar.

Miscellaneous

It's 100% easier not to do things than to do them.

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Miscellaneous

Meaner than a snake

Miscellaneous

Well, slap my head and call me silly!

Miscellaneous

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

Miscellaneous

If brains was grease, he couldn’t slick the head of a pin.

Miscellaneous

If [such and such happens] then it’s Katie bar the door.

Miscellaneous

It’s funny, but when you look at an old man, then you look at a photo of him when he was a young man, then you look at the old man, then the photo, back and forth, pretty soon you’ll do whatever anybody tells you to.

Miscellaneous

Don't get your knickers in a knot.

Miscellaneous

Bigger’n Dallas

Miscellaneous

There is one question that probably drives just about every vampire crazy: “Oh, do you know Dracula?”

Miscellaneous

As stubborn as a blue-nose mule and as busy as a cranberry merchant.

Miscellaneous

When I was a baby I had no teeth, I couldn't get a job and I couldn't eat meat.

Miscellaneous

The difference between a man and a boy is, a boy wants to grow up to be a fireman, but a man wants to grow up to be a giant monster fireman.

Miscellaneous