Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 51)

Sweating like a whore in church.

Miscellaneous

As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party.

Miscellaneous

If I was the head of a country that lost a war, and I had to sign a peace treaty, just as I was signing I’d glance over the treaty and then suddenly act surprised… “Wait a minute! I thought WE won!”

Miscellaneous

Fee. Fi. Fo. Meh.

writer, editor & film reviewer
Miscellaneous

Klaus Toppmoller: hair like David Gower and dress sense like Austin Powers.

British sports announcer
Miscellaneous

I now know I’m psychic, because every time I go see a fortune teller, I know everything she says will be absolute bullshit ahead of time.

Miscellaneous Occupations

Out of soap

Miscellaneous

The ox is in the ditch.

Miscellaneous

Less chance than a snowball in Hell.

Miscellaneous

If they ever have a haunted house for dogs, I think a good display would be a bathtub full of soapy water.

Miscellaneous

Many people don’t realize that playing dead can help not only with bears, but also at important business meetings.

Miscellaneous

Doesn’t have a pot to piss in

Miscellaneous

It’s got tits or tires, you’re gonna have trouble with it.

Miscellaneous

His face was all plowed up

Miscellaneous

She could eat watermelon through a chicken wire fence.

Miscellaneous

Madder than a hornet!

Miscellaneous

How long is a piece of string?

Miscellaneous

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

Miscellaneous

Crooked as a cork screw.

Miscellaneous

The water won’t clear till you get the hogs out of the creek.

Miscellaneous

Treated him like a red-headed stepchild.

Miscellaneous