Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 52)

Whenever you read a good book, it’s like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don’t like to read good books.

Miscellaneous

Dr. Phil is hiding something; otherwise, why wouldn’t he use his last name?

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Miscellaneous

The damned thing works!

(1906 – 1971) American inventor & television pioneer
Miscellaneous

I’ll wear you out till your hide won’t hold shucks.

Miscellaneous

Killer Pancake

Miscellaneous

If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don’t think I’d call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey with our store.

Miscellaneous

If I ever get burned beyond recognition, and you can’t decide if it’s me or not, just put my funny fisherman’s hat on my head. “See, it’s me!”

Miscellaneous

She could talk the leg off a horse.

Miscellaneous

Girlfriend Calling You Fat? You Probably Are. Ride Bike

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Living With Crazy Buttocks

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What are they planting to grow the seedless watermelon?

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
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Like what God gave a billy goat

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She's uglier than homemade soap.

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He's ugly enough to scare the buzzards off a gut wagon.

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What our ancestors would really be thinking, if they were alive today, is: “Why is it so dark in here?”

(1948 – ) English novelist
Miscellaneous

Crazy as a dog in a hub cap factory.

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Can of corn

Miscellaneous

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands… all the rest of you… if you’ll just rattle your jewelry.

(1940 – 1980) English rock musician, singer & songwriter
Miscellaneous

Consider the daffodil; and while you’re doing that, I’ll be over here, looking through your stuff.

Miscellaneous

To me, clowns aren’t funny, they’re kind of scary; I’ve wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.

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I was much further out than you thought, and not waving but drowning.

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer
Miscellaneous