Subject: People (Page 15)

A Canadian is someone who knows how to make love in a canoe.

(1920 – 2004) Canadian author, television personality & journalist
People Places Sex Things

The word “lady” most often used to describe someone you wouldn't want to talk to for even five minutes.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
People

Your best golf shots always occur when playing alone.

Golf Murphy’s Laws People Sports

A face like a wedding cake left out in the rain.

Appearance People

A man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars, that's subtraction.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Men Money

You might be a redneck if… your school fight song is Dueling Banjos.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks School

You might be a redneck if… you have a bumper sticker that says, "MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH."

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Education Mothers People Rednecks School

You might be a redneck if… you think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks

Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half the time.

(1899 – 1985) US author & humorist
Democracy Government People

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
People

Friend: Someone who thinks you’re a good egg even though you’re slightly cracked.

Definitions Friends People

A celebrity is anyone who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Appearance Hair People

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that a child cannot do much harm one way or another.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Animals Children Dogs People

I don’t have a girlfriend but sometimes I like to pretend I do. I just stand in my apartment screaming “No, that’s not what I said!”

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Girlfriends People Relationships

Bond smoked like Peter Lorre, drank like Humphrey Bogart, ate like Sydney Greenstreet, used up girls like Errol Flynn… then went to a steam bath and came out looking like Clark Gable.

(1926 – 1991) American television journalist
Entertainment Film People

You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step… I’m like that all the time.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
People Self Situations

Liberal: A man who feel’s it’s his responsibility to spend a Conservative’s money.

Beliefs Definitions People

Never raise your hand to your children it leaves your midsection unprotected.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
Children Conflict People

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.

(1925 – 2001) actor & musician
Activities Golf People Sports

Save a boyfriend for a rainy day – and another, in case it doesn’t rain.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
People

An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.

(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist
People