Subject: Places (Page 22)

It's possible to spend money anywhere in the world if you put your mind to it, something I proved conclusively by running up huge debts in Cincinnati.

(1906 – 1991) American baseball player, coach & manager

It was tough growing up in Florida because all my friends were retired.

(1959 – ) American comedian, comedy writer, actor & author

Rome wasn’t born in a day.

professional baseball player

“New York, New York” – so good they named it twice.

(1947 – ) American singer-songwriter

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country, but if you ask a native American, that number is more like 300 million.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host

Baseball is the belly of society. Straighten out baseball and you'll straighten out the rest of the world.

American baseball pitcher

My one claim to originality among Irishmen is that I never made a speech.

(1852 – 1933) Irish writer, poet, art critic & dramatist

Contrary to popular belief, English women do not wear tweed nightgowns.

(1897-1987) actress & comedian

The United States was founded by the brightest people in the country… and we haven’t seen them since.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter

In America, we won't let somebody who's terminally ill have the right to take their own life… but yet, we'll let Evel Knievel jump over the Grand Canyon with a damn moped.

American stand-up comedian

Giving Northerners unbuttered instant grits is an old remedy for getting rid of tourists.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist

In China, the piano piece ‘Chopsticks’ is known as ‘Knife and Fork.’

(1922 – ) English comedy writer & television presenter

It isn’t necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

You have to know a man awfully well in Canada to know his surname.

(1875 – 1940) Scottish novelist, historian & Governor General of Canada

Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty… mine's putting in an express lane.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian

The more you find out about the world, the more opportunities there are to laugh at it.

(the Science Guy) (1955 – ) American science educator, writer & scientist

English? Who needs that? I’m never going to England.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

It sounds like typewriters eating tin foil being kicked down the stairs.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer

England, the heart of a rabbit in the body of a lion.

If your car breaks down in Tennessee, you have just moved to Tennessee.

(1965 – ) American actor, writer & comedian

The great themes of Canadian history are as follows: Keeping the Americans out, keeping the French in, and trying to get the Natives to somehow disappear.

(1964 – ) Canadian writer & novelist