Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Places
(Page 22)
The whole world is turning into a regular Sodom and
Glocca Morra.
Archie Bunker
television character,
All In the Family
(Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops
Places
Gomorrah
Sin
Given the unlikely options of attending a funeral or a sex orgy, a true Irishman will always opt for the funeral.
John Brendan Keane
(1928 – 2002) Irish playwright, novelist & essayist
People
Places
Ireland
The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you are in the bathroom.
Anonymous
Places
Situations
World
Bathroom
Zoo: A place devised for animals to study the habits of human beings.
Oliver Herford
(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Animals
Definitions
People
Places
Zoos
We do not go in for philosophy in this country… we have our own system… it’s called wondering.
Al Murray
(1968 – ) English comedian & television personality
England
Places
Philosophy
L.A. is very dangerous; I carry a gun in my car, that way, in case the police stop me, I can fend them off until the press gets there.
Jeff Joseph
American actor & writer
Arms
Conflict
Places
Los Angeles
Police
Africa is God's country, and He can have it.
Groucho Marx
(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Places
TV/Movie Quotes
Africa
As Captain Spaulding in “Animal Crackers”
I can never forgive God for having created the French.
Peter Ustinov
(1921 – 2004) English actor & author
People
Places
France
If you think the world is against you – it doesn't necessarily mean that it isn't.
Samuel's Maxim
Murphy’s Laws
World
Paranoia
I asked the barmaid for a quickie; the man next to me said, 'It's pronounced quiche.'
Luigi Amaduzzi
Communication
Food/Drink
Places
Speech
Britain
Quiche
The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.
Kurt Vonnegut
(1922 – 2007) American novelist
Housework
Places
Universe
Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.
George Burns
(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
America
Government
Intelligence
Occupations
Places
Work
I'm working on a marketing slogan for Saudi Arabia: What happens in Riyadh stays in Riyadh… with your hands
Holly Mills
comedian
Places
Saudi Arabia
Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
Joan Rivers
(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
America
Places
Television
Bed
Shop
Stores
Even the police have an unlisted number.
Morey Amsterdam
(1908 – 1996) actor & comedian
Government
Hollywood
Law
Things
Police
Unlisted number
Canada is all right really, though not for the whole weekend.
‘Saki’ H.H. Munro
(1870 – 1916) British writer
Canada
Places
Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
Don Marquis
(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Characteristics
People
World
Meek
Pity
We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it.
Dave Barry
(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
America
Health
Places
Health care
Berlioz, musically speaking, is a lunatic; a classical composer only in Paris, the great city of quacks.
Dramatic and Musical Review
Entertainment
Insults
Music
Places
Of French composer Hector Berlioz
Paris
A lot of rich women seeing how small they can get their dogs.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Dogs
Places
Women
Palm Beach
President Bush has just one question for the American voters: is the rich person you're working for better off now than they were 4 years ago?
Jay Leno
(1950 – ) comedian & television host
America
Money
Economy
George W. Bush
Page 22 of 46
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