Subject: Places (Page 32)

Remember, no matter where you go, there you are.

scriptwriter & author
Places Situations

It’s the only state in the country where you can stand on your front porch and actually watch your dog run away for three days.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
America Animals Dogs Places

America's attic.

(1915 – 1979) English-born Canadian poet
Canada Places

Tell me where you want to go. If they have a team, I'll schedule them.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Basketball Places Sports

The people of this country have allowed football to get completely out of hand, and that’s fortunate for my bank account.

(1918 – 1995) American sports journalist & television commentator
America Football Places Sports

I can’t listen to that much Wagner… I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Conflict Entertainment Music Places War

Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head’s showing and gone ‘Philip, look at me! I’m a stamp!'

(1980 – ) English comedian, television and radio presenter & actor
England Miscellaneous

Never criticize Americans… they have the best taste that money can buy.

(1941 – 2008) British journalist, musician &broadcaster
America Characteristics Money Opinion People Places

1. Nothing is ever so bad it can't be made worse by firing the coach. 2. A free agent is anything but. 3. Whatever can go to New York will..

Activities Murphy’s Laws New York City Places Sports

The best reason I can think of for not running for President of the United States is that you have to shave twice a day.

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician
America Appearance Government Places President

I liked Amsterdam… I spent $2,000 window shopping.

(1957 – ) American comedian
Places Sex Shopping

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Age Health Old Places

It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that.

(1936 – ) American actor, director & screenwriter
Characteristics People World

My uncle's actually from Brooklyn, New York; … instead of saying, 'What time is it?,' he'll say, 'Get outta here – I'm drunk.'

stand-up comedian, writer & actor
Places Relationships

Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.

comedian
Places

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Intelligence Places Science/Weather Stupidity

The waiters in France could all be senators in the U.S.

(1974 – ) American comedian
Government Places

Part-Time Woman Wanted: What a country… even transvestites can get work.

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian
America Places

The Austrians are brilliant people. They made the world believe that [Adolf Hitler] was a German and [Ludwig van Beethoven] an Austrian.

(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer
Places

He was from Thailand or some other erotic place.

Malaprops Places

If you surveyed a hundred typical middle-aged Americans, I bet you'd find that only two of them could tell you their blood types, but every last one of them would know the theme song from the 'Beverly Hillbillies.’

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
America Intelligence People Places