Subject: Sports (Page 113)

Lady Jacks Off to Hot Start in Conference

Headlines Sports

When Sandy Koufax retired.

American baseball player
Baseball Sports

Capece is kaput.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football Sports

One percent of ballplayers are leaders of men. The other ninety-nine percent are followers of women.

baseball manager
Baseball Sports

Chappell just stood on his feet and smashed it to the boundary.

cricket commentator
Misspokements Sports

Reporter: Will you be rooting for the American League or National League in the All Star Game?

Dole: Probably.

(1923 – ) U.S. senator (Kansas) & presidential candidate
Baseball Misspokements Sports

The Gullikson twins here; an interesting pair… both from Wisconsin.

Tennis commentator
Sports

I'm just glad it wasn't machete night.

Canadian hockey player
Hockey Sports

[The ball] came out like a dead mouse from a cornfield.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

Career highlights?… I had two; I got an intentional walk from Sandy Koufax and I got out of a rundown against the Mets.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Self Sports

You've got to swing that bat; only the mailman walks.

American baseball player
Baseball Sports

I’m hoping for a bench clearing brawl during the warm up so I can go out and grab his stick.

Canadian hockey goaltender
Hockey Sports

I wish I could play my normal game… just once.

Golf Sports

A lot is said about defense, but at the end of the game, the team with the most points wins, the other team loses.

(Bob Costas replied with just, Uh…well…ok.)

professional basketball player
Basketball Misspokements Sports

I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose.

(1913 – 2006) 36th U.S. president
Golf Sports

Gossage puts guys like me on his cereal for breakfast. He's the most intimidating pitcher I've ever seen.

baseball player
Baseball Sports

Baseball happens to be a game of cumulative tension but football, basketball and hockey are played with hand grenades and machine guns.

Baseball Basketball Football Hockey Sports

And he’s got the icepack on his groin there, so it’s possibly not the old shoulder injury.

English rugby player & commentator
Misspokements Sports

My potential speaks for itself.

professional tennis player
Misspokements Sports

I play sports…no I don’t… what the f**k?

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Self Sports

My uncle always described an unforced error as his first marriage.

American journalist & tennis broadcaster
Marriage Sports