Subject: Sports (Page 114)

Pity Steve Ovett didn’t show up. Then we could have had the good, the bald and the ugly.

British Olympic decathlon champion
Sports

Baseball is a game where a curve is an optical illusion, a screwball can be a pitch or a person, stealing is legal and you can spit anywhere you like except in the umpire's eye or on the ball.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Baseball Sports

I miss the putt. I miss the putt. I miss the putt. I make the putt.

Spanish professional golfer
Golf Sports

When he gets mad, it's like he's in another world. He'll look at you with those big eyes and they'll be going around in circles.

professional hockey player
Hockey Sports

We can't run. We can't pass. We can't stop the run. We can't stop the pass. We can't kick. Other than that, were just not a very good football team right now.

American football coach
Football Sports

If I'm having brain surgery, I'll be darned if I want that surgeon playing for a tie.

American college football coach
Football Sports

I like to play in the low 70′s… if it gets any hotter than that I’ll stay in the bar!

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf Heat Science/Weather Sports

That ball is so far left Lassie couldn’t find it if it was wrapped in bacon.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

I remember sitting down with the Rockets and saying, 'Yeah. I'm going to retire.' They said, 'Well, we'll give you $9 million.' And I said, 'You got a pen on you?'

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Money Sports

Historically, the host nations do well in Euro 2000.

English football player & analyst
Misspokements Sports

Frank Bruno has a chin of such pure Waterford crystal; it gives rise to the old adage that people who live in glass jaws shouldn't throw punches. The biggest danger in fighting Bruno is that you might get hit by flying glass.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Boxing Sports

We were tipping off our plays; whenever we broke from the huddle, three backs were laughing and one was as pale as a ghost.

professional football executive
Football Misspokements Sports

Tell me where you want to go. If they have a team, I'll schedule them.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Basketball Places Sports

The worst golf shots always occur when playing with someone you are trying to impress.

Golf Murphy’s Laws People Sports

Terry Downes' face looked as if he had slept on it.

English broadcaster, journalist & author
Appearance Boxing Sports

You have only two hemispheres in your brain – a left and a right side. The left side controls the right side of your body and the right controls the left half. It's a fact. Therefore, left-handers are the only people in their right minds.

American baseball pitcher
Baseball Intelligence Mind Sports

Those trees seem to grow every year…

British professional golfer & commentator
Golf Misspokements Sports

A sad ending, albeit a happy one, here at Montreal for today’s Grand Prix.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing Misspokements Sports

Problem with [John] Wockenfuss getting on base is that it takes three doubles to score him.

(1934 – 2010) American baseball manager
Baseball Sports

It looks like a one armed man trying to wrestle a snake in a phone booth.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

Ozzie Smith just made a play that I have never seen before; and he’s done it more times than anyone else.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports