Subject: Sports (Page 124)

A golf ball is like a clock; always hit it at 6 o’clock and make it go toward 12 o’clock… but make sure you’re in the same time zone.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer
Golf Sports

I pitch like my hair’s on fire.

baseball player
Baseball Sports

Tony Gwynn, the fat batter behind Finley, is waiting.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

My purpose in life was to run 100%. Maybe it cost me some races, but nobody ever hired me to ride.

American auto racer
Auto racing Sports

I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.

Australian football player
Football Misspokements Sports

I may be the only golfer never to have broken a single putter; if you don't count the one I twisted and threw into a bush.

American sportswriter
Golf Sports

The score a player reports on any hole should always be regarded as his opening offer.

Anglo-Irish golfer
Golf Sports

Bill Walton is incredible; if you drop a toothpick on his foot, he'll have a stress fracture.

American basketball coach
Basketball Health Sports

I fear no man, but the dentist.

(1949 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Emotions Fear Sports

Nolan Ryan is pitching much better now that he has his curve ball straightened out.

(1926 – 2016) American baseball player, announcer & television host
Baseball Sports

Relax, all right? Don’t try to strike everybody out. Strikeouts are boring; besides that, they’re fascist. Throw some ground balls. It’s more democratic.

(1955 – ) American actor, musician, producer & director
Baseball Sports TV/Movie Quotes

They wanted me to play third like Brooks (Robinson) so I did play like Brooks — Mel Brooks.

baseball player
Baseball Sports

I think that the team that wins game five will win the series… unless we lose game five.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Sports

The only difference between me and General Custer is that I have to watch the films on Sunday.

College football coach
Football Sports

Oral sex should be an Olympic sport because it’s harder than curling, and if you’re good at it, you deserve a medal.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Sex Sports

I walk into the clubhouse and it's like walking into the Mayo Clinic; we have four doctors, three therapists and five trainers. Back when I broke in, we had one trainer who carried a bottle of rubbing alcohol and by the seventh inning he had drunk it all.

Los Angeles Dodgers’ manager
Baseball Sports

Don King dresses like a pimp and speechifies like a store-front preacher.

boxing writer
Boxing Sports

[He’s] the ultimate player-to-be-named-later.

(1927 – ) professional baseball player & coach
Baseball Misspokements Sports

Behind every good decathlete, there's a good doctor.

American Olympic decathlon champion
Misspokements Sports

The Cincinnati Reds are like a drill team; they should be managed by Jack Webb.

American baseball pitcher
Baseball Sports

We have a great bunch of outside shooters; unfortunately, all our games are played indoors.

basketball coach
Basketball Sports