Subject: Sports (Page 65)

Notices are appearing at courses telling golfers not to lick their balls on the green.

Golf Sports

Nobody but you and your caddie care what you do out there, and if your caddie is betting against you, he doesn't care, either.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer
Golf Sports

To last as long as I did with the skills I had, with the numbers I produced, was a triumph of the human spirit.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Self Sports

I thought I would have a quiet pint … and about 17 noisy ones.

British rugby player
Beer Food/Drink Sports

When Lee Trevino and Jack Nicklaus come in, I'll caddie for Jack.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer
Golf Sports

When a fielder gets the pitcher in trouble, the pitcher has to pitch himself out of the slump he isn’t in.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Baseball Sports

On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating… the other 20 percent lied.

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist
Activities Golf Sports

Tommy (Lasorda) will eat anything, as long as you pay for it.

American baseball player, manager & executive
Baseball Eating Food/Drink Sports

If I didn’t enjoy gloating so much, I wouldn’t do so many interviews.

American football coach
Football Sports

I'd like to see the fairways more narrow; then everybody would have to play from the rough, not just me.

Spanish professional golfer
Golf Sports

Only if it's held in a phone booth.

(1950 – ) American boxer & actor
Boxing Sports

There was so much barging and shoving; it was like trying to get into a Glasgow pub on a Saturday night.

Scottish distance runner
Sports

A woman I know is engaged to a real golf nut.  They are supposed to get married next Saturday…but only if it rains.

Golf Marriage Sports

An atheist is a man who watches a Notre Dame – Southern Methodist University game and doesn’t care who wins.

(1890 – 1969) 34th U.S. president, U.S. Army General
Football Sports

Boxing is built on bums. How else are you gonna know good from bad? How else is a good boy gonna get on top and get experience unless he fights bums? I tell ya, there's a shortage of bums.

Boxing manager & promoter
Boxing Sports

He hit me 18 times while I was in the act of falling.

(1909–1959) American boxing champion
Sports

Man blames fate for other accidents but feels personally responsible for a hole-in-one.

Golf Situations Sports

I go from locker to locker, pretending the guys are here. You know, give them a little bit of a pep talk. It must be working, because we haven't lost a game yet.

hockey coach
Hockey Sports

You can, legally, possibly hit and kill a fellow golfer with a ball, and there will not be a lot of trouble because the other golfers will refuse to stop and be witnesses, because they will want to keep playing.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Golf Sports

When the camera focuses on a male athlete he will spit, pick or scratch.

Murphy’s Laws Sports

I must admit when Reggie hit his third home run and I was sure nobody was looking, I applauded in my glove.

professional baseball player
Baseball Sports