Subject: Sports (Page 65)

If Lew could cook, I’d marry him.

baseball manager
Baseball Sports

I try to play golf at least once a day.

(1924 – 2012) American football player & coach
Football Golf Sports

She doesn't pay me anything. I pay her. Besides, what position can she play?

Toronto Maple Leafs owner
Hockey Sports

Next week we'll be looking at the Tour de France, all those bicycles roaring through the countryside.

Misspokements Sports

Turner looks a bit shaky and unsteady, but I think he's going to bat on – one ball left.

Sports

A woman I know is engaged to a real golf nut.  They are supposed to get married next Saturday…but only if it rains.

Golf Marriage Sports

His feet were a long way away from his body!

Indian cricketer
Misspokements Sports

Chappell just stood on his feet and smashed it to the boundary.

cricket commentator
Misspokements Sports

If anyone wants me tell them I'm being embalmed.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Baseball Sports

He has the touch of a gay hairdresser.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

I don't speak Chinese, but I figure if I try, I've got to be saying something.

(1962 – ) Canadian-American actor, comedian, author & radio personality
Baseball Communication Language

There are too many weird Olympic events now, like that one where the gymnasts prance around the mat swirling a piece of ribbon… it’s called ‘rhythmic gymnastics’ – unless you’re five, then it’s called ‘playing.’

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian
Sports

We have a lot of success with a dumb person calling plays. I'm hesitant to have a smart one call them.

(1937 – ) football coach, sportscaster, author & speaker
Football Sports

Horse racing is animated roulette.

(1927 – ) American author & baseball writer
Sports

They're like two bulldogs eating lunch off a Brillo pad!

Canadian hockey player
Hockey Sports

Playing golf is like going to a strip joint… after 18 holes you’re tired and most of your balls are missing.

(1953 – ) comedian & actor
Golf Sports

They wanted to buy out my contract, but I couldn’t make change for a $20, so they had to let me stay

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Sports

If I'd known I was going to pitch a no-hitter today, I would have gotten a haircut.

professional baseball player
Baseball Sports

For the Washington Senators, the worst time of the year is the baseball season.

(1927 – ) American author & baseball writer
Baseball Sports

You can say something to popes, kings and presidents, but you can't talk to officials. In the next war they ought to give everyone a whistle.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Basketball Sports

The wind always seems to blow against catchers when they are running.

(1926 – 2016) American baseball player, announcer & television host
Baseball Sports