Author: George Gobel

Peter Marshall: True or false… drinking alcohol reduces the amount of male hormones in your body? 

George Gobel: You can’t scare me!

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.

George Gobel: Sometimes it sure seems that way…

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Years ago, American Indians tied small pine trees to their feet, and thereby invented what?

George Gobel: Shoe trees.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Traditionally, on Ground Hog Day, what is the ground hog looking for when he comes out of his hole?

George Gobel: Well, anything except a speeding lawn mower.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What do you call a cow that won’t give milk? 

George Gobel: Hamburger

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Dear Abby says it's the single reason most people go to an X-rated movie. What is it?

George Gobel: Well, in the first place, they can't believe their eyes the first 20 or 30 times.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Did you ever get the feeling that the world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Death People Self Situations

My uncle was the town drunk… and we lived in Chicago.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Alcohol Food/Drink

Peter Marshall: According to Dear Abby, it’s nature’s signal that something is wrong. What is it?

George Gobel: When your son starts waxing his legs.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to flag ettiquette, how does a woman show her respect for the American flag? 

George Gobel: She picks up a sailor.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  True or false… a man arrested in West Palm Beach, Florida was fined 75 cents after a policeman shot him with two bullets.

George Gobel:  The guy only had a dollar, so the policeman shot him two more times.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Is it possible for a man to get an annulment if he can prove that he was drunk during the wedding ceremony? 

George Gobel: Well, I thought of that, but by the time I sobered up, we had been married 23 years.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Can breathing in and out of a paper bag help stop anything?

George Gobel: If it’s filled with wine it can stop me from shaking.  

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… George, experts say there are only seven or eight things in the world dumber than an ant.

George Gobel: Yes, and I think I voted for six of ‘em.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What is the most popular place in America that people want to visit?

George Gobel:  It’s right down the hall, to the right and has a sign on the door.  

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

John Davidson: What is a bee fly?

George Gobel: A zipper on a bee’s jeans.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… massaging the feet helps some people with hot flashes?

George Gobel: So that’s why Rose Marie wears battery-operated shoes.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Do most American families have at least one pet?

George Gobel: Yes, and it usually happens during the Johnny Carson show.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?

George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

I'm the kind of guy who will have nothing all my life and then they'll discover oil while they're digging my grave.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Death Life Money Wealth

Peter Marshall: The Pittsburgh Press calls it a combination of the Jitterbug, the Cha-cha, and the Mambo. What do you call it?

George Gobel: A short in my electric blanket.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares