Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
Home
About
Categories
Activities
Age
Animals
Appearance
Beliefs
Characteristics
Communication
Conflict
Death
Education
Emotions
Entertainment
Family
Food/Drink
Government
Health
Intelligence
Life
Marriage
Miscellaneous
Money
People
Places
Problems
Relationships
Science/Weather
Sex
Situations
Sports
Success
Things
Time
Work
Additional Categories
Book Titles
Confucius say
Definitions
Epitaphs
Exaggerations
Expressions
Hollywood Squares
Insults
Last Words
Murphy's Laws
Place Names
Proverbs
Reviews/Criticism
Song Titles
Tom Swifties
TV/Movie Quotes
Oops...
Bushisms
Church Bulletins
Classified Ads
Colemanballs
Headlines
Malaprops
Misspokements
Signs
Translations
Yogi-isms
Some Popular Authors
Abraham Lincoln
Alfred E. Neuman
Ambrose Bierce
Benjamin Franklin
Dave Barry
Demetri Martin
Dorothy Parker
Emo Phillips
George Carlin
Groucho Marx
H.L. Mencken
Homer Simpson
Jeff Foxworthy
Jimmy Carr
Joan Rivers
Mae West
Mark Twain
Mitch Hedberg
Oscar Wilde
Phyllis Diller
Richard Lewis
Rita Rudner
Rodney Dangerfield
Steven Wright
Stewart Francis
W.C. Fields
Will Rogers
Woody Allen
View All Authors
Author: Paul Lynde Page 7
Peter Marshall: Fidel Castro recently gave Yugoslavia’s Marshall Tito a gift. What was it? Paul Lynde: A cheap, hand–painted tie.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In television, who lived in Doodyville? Paul Lynde: The Ty-De-Bowl Man.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Besides a baton, what did Xavier Cugat always have in his hand when he lead his orchestra? Paul Lynde: Arthritis.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it? Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn’t neglected!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: What are “dual purpose” cattle good for that other cattle aren’t?Paul Lynde: They give milk and cookies… but I don’t recommend the cookies!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: A recent navy picture had Admiral Zumwalt kissing Admiral Duirk. Why?Paul Lynde: Too long at sea!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: The Great White is one of the most feared animals. What is the Great White?Paul Lynde: A sheriff in Alabama.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, True or false… the University of Nebraska was recently given $185,000 for an extensive study of the prune.Paul Lynde: There goes $185,000 down the drain!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… NASA officials report that when Chinese vice-premier Dang visited the astronaut training headquarters recently, the one big question he demanded to know was… where the astronauts go to the bathroom?!Paul Lynde: The answer was over China!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: It used to be called “9-pin.” What’s it called today?Paul Lynde: Foreplay!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, Poe’s
The Raven
said, “Nevermore.” What did Gilbert and Sullivan’s Dickie Bird say? Paul Lynde: Let’s not wallow in Watergate.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: You have a bunch of unwanted hair. According to Dr. Thotusen, what is most often the cause of unwanted hair? A bunch of it?Paul Lynde: Running over a llama.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, can you get an elephant drunk?Paul Lynde: Yes, but he still won't go up to your apartment.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: What did James Watt invent after fooling around with his wife’s tea kettle? Paul Lynde: James Watt Jr.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to the nursery rhyme, what did Little Bo Peep’s sheep leave behind them? Paul Lynde: Well, Simple Simon thought they were bread crumbs!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Who never rises for the bride and groom? Paul Lynde: Ironside.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In
The Wizard Of Oz
, the Tin Man wanted a heart, and the Lion wanted courage. What did the Straw Man want?Paul Lynde: He wanted the Tin Man to notice him.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: After Phyllis Diller’s recent facelift, she received thousands of letters, mostly asking three questions: “Did it hurt?” “How much did it cost?” And one other… what?Paul Lynde: Do your eyes close when you sit down?
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, in the early days of Hollywood, who was usually found atop Tony, the Wonder Horse? Paul Lynde: My Friend Flicka.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Do we get heat from stars? Paul Lynde: You will if I have to share my dressing room again.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Back in the 1870s, Emile Berliner invented something, and without it, I wouldn’t be able to do my job. What was it? Paul Lynde: Let’s see… toupees? … facelifts? … contact lenses?… makeup? … capped teeth? … loud sports jackets?…
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Page 7 of 13
« First
« Previous
5
6
7
8
9
Next »
Last »