Author: Paul Lynde Page 8

Peter Marshall: Paul, can anything bring tears to a chimp's eyes?

>Paul Lynde: Finding out that Tarzan swings both ways!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, what is the Mister Yuk sticker meant to be put on?

Paul Lynde: Oh, motel bedspreads

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Burt Reynolds is quoted as saying, “Dinah (Shore)’s in top form. I’ve never known anyone to be so completely able to throw herself into a…” A what?

Paul Lynde: A headboard.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Queen Elizabeth generally swings her umbrella behind her back, and immediately, something happens. What?

Paul Lynde: Lord Snowden doubles up in pain.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Is there any such thing as an F cup in bra sizes?

Paul Lynde: Yes, it sleeps four.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Is it normal for Norwegians to talk to trees?

Paul Lynde: As long as that’s as far as it goes.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Do we get heat from stars?

Paul Lynde: You will if I have to share my dressing room again.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the Women’s International Bowling Congress, are there any women 80 years old who still bowl regularly?

Paul Lynde: Yes, but that’s all they do regularly.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: The great writer George Bernard Shaw once wrote, 'It's such a wonderful thing, what a crime to waste it on children.' What is it?

Paul Lynde: A whipping.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, according to the World Book Encyclopedia, what is the main reason dogs pant?

Paul Lynde: Because they can’t talk dirty!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul,Zsa Zsa Gabor says she never ever swims with her face in the water. Why?

Paul Lynde: It clogs the drain.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: It used to be called “9-pin.” What’s it called today?

Paul Lynde: Foreplay!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, Pat Nixon says it’s difficult to sleep with President Nixon because of something he does in the middle of the night. What is it?

Paul Lynde: He’s digging a tunnel.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In The Wizard of Oz, the lion wanted courage and the tin man wanted a heart. What did the scarecrow want?

Paul Lynde: He wanted the tin man to notice him.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… your teeth are about the same size and shape as a pig's?

Paul Lynde: Look who's talking, Beaverface! 

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, you have a 9 year old son who constantly wets the bed.  What should you do?

Paul Lynde:  Get rid of him! 

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:When President Nixon was in Poland recently the Polish people kept shouting, “Stolat! Stolat! Stolat!” What does “Stolat” mean?

Paul Lynde: Welcome, President Johnson

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, can you get an elephant drunk?

Paul Lynde: Yes, but he still won't go up to your apartment.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: You're on a yacht, and you're seasick.  According to Emily Post, should you tell your host?

Paul Lynde: No, let him find out for himself.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Back in the 1870s, Emile Berliner invented something, and without it, I wouldn’t be able to do my job. What was it?

Paul Lynde: Let’s see… toupees? … facelifts? … contact lenses?… makeup? … capped teeth? … loud sports jackets?…

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Something happened to Marlon Brando in 1955, and afterward he told friends he thought it would happen to Bing Crosby instead. What happened?

Paul Lynde: Oh, one of Bing's sons asked him for money.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares