Author: Richard Lewis Page 2

When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions Love Time

My shrink told me it was pointless to believe in myself.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Beliefs Self

One of my uncles said that apparently at birth I snuck out… I thought maybe someone was following me.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Characteristics

This weekend I pulled a muscle in my cheeks trying to smile.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health

I have low self-esteem; when were in bed together, I would fantasize that I was someone else.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Characteristics People Self Sex

At home now, I have cough medicine on tap.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health

My goal this year is to make love being naked.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Sex

There’s no place like home… that’s why I never went back.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Places

At home now, I have cough medicine on tap.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health

This weekend I pulled a muscle in my cheeks trying to smile.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions

There’s nothing to fear but life itself.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions Fear Wordplay

Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
People Situations

I can’t do two things at once; I can’t have intercourse and enjoy myself at the same time.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions Happiness

If there is reincarnation and I come back as myself, I’ll kill myself.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Self

I never give advice – I give warnings to live by.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Beliefs

I wrote my nightmares out this afternoon so I can get a good night’s sleep tonight.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Activities Sleep

Even at home, on my stationary exercise bike, I have a rearview mirror.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Characteristics

What’s a Jewish mobster?… ‘I’m going to break the legs of your therapist.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Conflict People

During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
People Self Sex

My grandfather used to make home movies and edit out the joy.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions Happiness