Keyword: Furniture

I can’t have kids because I have white couches.

(1953 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Children Family

We had gay burglars the other night; they broke in and rearranged the furniture.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Situations

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Animals Communication Conversation Speech

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Things

You know you're working class when your TV is bigger than your bookcase.

English standup comedian
Entertainment People Television

To supplement my income, I sell furniture on the side… I'm down to my couch now.

(1973 – ) American stand-up comedian
Money

It looks different when you're sober; I thought I had twice as much furniture.

(1927 – 2018) playwright & screenwriter
Alcohol Food/Drink