Subject: Activities » Travel

He travels fastest who travels alone… but he hasn’t anything to do when he gets there.

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

(1926 – ) film director, screenwriter, composer, comedian, actor & producer

We’re lost, but we’re making good time.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager

All buses heading in the opposite direction drive off the face of the earth and never return.

No matter how many rooms there are in the motel, the fellow who starts up his car at five o’clock in the morning is always parked under your window.

Sometimes the road is less traveled for a reason.

He who hesitates is not only lost, but several miles from the next freeway exit.

The secret of dealing successfully with a child is not to be its parent.

(1927 – ) American cartoonist (Momma)

I just got out of the hospital… I had my mother removed from my back.

comedian & television writer

Detour: The roughest distance between two points.

I hate traveling, I guess ’cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host

There’s no future in time travel.

Whatever carrousel you stand by, your baggage will come in on another one.

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor

The saying “Getting there is half the fun” became obsolete with the advent of commercial airlines.


When you are served a meal aboard an aircraft, the aircraft will encounter turbulence.

The strength of the turbulence is directly proportional to the temperature of your coffee.

They [airplane oxygen masks] don’t really help you… they’re just there to muffle the screams.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor

The average tourist wants to go to places where there are no tourists.

(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist

I'm often asked why I travel around the country talking politics: Is it for humanitarian reasons, community spirit, or is it for the money, the limousines or the girls? … The answers are: no, no, yes yes yes!

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign













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