Subject: Activities » Travel

Airline travel is hours of boredom interrupted by moments of stark terror.

disc jockey, screenwriter & humorist

If God had really intended man to fly, He’d make it easier to get to the airport.

(1925 – 2013) comedian & actor

Jamaican Air – Every flight is the red-eye!

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

(1926 – ) film director, screenwriter, composer, comedian, actor & producer

When traveling with children… at least one child of any number of children will request a rest room stop exactly halfway between any two given rest areas.

Sometimes the road is less traveled for a reason.

We’re lost, but we’re making good time.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor

Never, ever, fly on the airline of the country from which you are departing.

1. You can get “anywhere” in ten minutes if you go fast enough.
2. Speed bumps are of negligible effect when the vehicle exceeds triple the desired restraining speed.
3. The vehicle in front of you is traveling slower than you are.
4. This lane ends in 500 feet.

Road: A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

The time to enjoy a European tour is about three weeks after you unpack.

(1672 – 1719) English essasyist, poet & politician

I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage!

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee, the airliner encounters turbulence.
Davis's Explanation of Roger's Law: Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.

It’s easier to find a traveling companion than to get rid of one.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist

I'm often asked why I travel around the country talking politics: Is it for humanitarian reasons, community spirit, or is it for the money, the limousines or the girls? … The answers are: no, no, yes yes yes!

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign

One road trip we were stuck on the runway for seven hours. The plane kept driving and driving until we arrived at the rink and I realized we were on a bus.

Canadian hockey player

He who hesitates is not only lost, but several miles from the next freeway exit.

Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything.

(1934 – 1997) journalist

You can travel fifty thousand miles in America without once tasting a piece of good bread.

(1891 – 1980) novelist & painter

There’s no future in time travel.

The Hunger Site