Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Hollywood Squares
(Page 4)
John Davidson: A Russian man has just shown you his “balalaika.” What has he shown you?Jim J. Bullock: Why he’s not so popular with the party girls.
Jim J. Bullock
(1955 – ) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In Greek mythology, what would the god Morpheus do to you while you were asleep?Paul Lynde: I don’t know, but I got an enchanted hickie.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: What do you call a bull that can’t have kids?Paul Lynde: Anthony Quinn.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Will a lightning rod work if it’s bent?Dom Deluise: My lightning rod wouldn’t work… I’m going to have my doctor check my bent rod!
Dom Deluise
(1933 – 2009) actor, comedian, film director, chef & author
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Charley, how many balls are on a pool table in a standard game of 8-ball?Charlie Weaver: How many men are on the table?
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Would you be surprised to find some wood in your hot dog? Paul Lynde: No, but I’d be surprised to find some meat.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while you are talking? Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, Peter…and I’ll give you a gesture you’ll never forget!
Rose Marie
(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: What is the name of the song that is played when the President of the United States walks into a room? Paul Lynde:
Send in the Clowns.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Can traffic noises affect your sexual prowess? Jim Backus: Yes, so you should pull over and park.
Jim Backus
(1913 – 1989) American radio, television, film & voice actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: To the people of Italy, what is “the poe?”Paul Lynde: The opposite of “the rich.”
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: You are standing among the oldest living things on Earth. Where are you?Totie Fields: Miami Beach.
Totie Fields
(1930 – 1978) American comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Every night before he went to bed, George Washington would always put his false teeth into something. What?Charley Weaver: Martha!
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Don, True or false… there’s now a club in California that will allow you to sign up for obscene phone calls.
Rose Marie: Peter, get us that number!
Don Knotts: Well…you found us out!
Don Knotts
(1924 – 2006) American comedic actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… most African soccer teams have their own witch doctor.Redd Foxx: That’s true…and their motto is, “If you can’t beat ‘em, eat ‘em.”
Redd Foxx
(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I’m always safe in the bedroom.
Rose Marie
(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: On radio, Margo Lane knew something about young, handsome, wealthy Lamont Cranston. In fact, she knew about Lamont Cranston, things that no one else knew. What was it?Paul Lynde: That his bellybutton was an outsie.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, can anything bring tears to a chimp's eyes?>Paul Lynde: Finding out that Tarzan swings both ways!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Who are Mark Trail, Steve Roper and Tank McNamara?Paul Lynde: Oh, you found my address book!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, you have a 9 year old son who constantly wets the bed. What should you do?Paul Lynde: Get rid of him!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Back in the 1870s, Emile Berliner invented something, and without it, I wouldn’t be able to do my job. What was it? Paul Lynde: Let’s see… toupees? … facelifts? … contact lenses?… makeup? … capped teeth? … loud sports jackets?…
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: A western saddle has a curved horn on the front to hold something for the cowboy. What is it? Paul Lynde: A passenger.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Page 4 of 22
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