Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Hollywood Squares
(Page 5)
Peter Marshall: You have a bunch of unwanted hair. According to Dr. Thotusen, what is most often the cause of unwanted hair? A bunch of it?Paul Lynde: Running over a llama.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to
Good Housekeeping
, how many years is the life expectancy of your lingerie?Rose Marie: If you’re talking about wear and tear, mine will last forever.
Rose Marie
(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… most personal physical attacks are never reported to police.Rose Marie: No, I just put them in my diary.
Rose Marie
(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… there is a company that will rent you a nude bartender for your party? Paul Lynde: (sings) Set ‘em up, Joe…
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Now listen carefully, Paul. If you have one it’s a moose. If you have two, it’s a….? Paul Lynde: It’s a mess!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: What do you call a man who gives you diamonds and pearls?Paul Lynde: I’d call him “Darling”!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… some African Watusi tribesmen greet guests by running toward them at full speed, then high-jumping over them.Charley Weaver: This is sometimes terribly embarrassing to tall guests.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the movie
What’s The Matter With Helen?
Who plays Helen? Dennis Weaver: That’s why they asked the question.
Dennis Weaver
(1924 – 2006) American actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… NASA officials report that when Chinese vice-premier Dang visited the astronaut training headquarters recently, the one big question he demanded to know was… where the astronauts go to the bathroom?!Paul Lynde: The answer was over China!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul Lynde recently stated, “If there’s anything helpful for other actors to be drawn from my experience, it is this: don’t try to fake…” What?Karen Valentine: Anything!
Karen Valentine
(1947 – ) American actress
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Is it possible to housebreak an elephant? George Gobel: Yes, but don’t try it during a newspaper strike.
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to an executive report of the Dallas Morning News, is a person ever too old to get his teeth straightened? Charley Weaver: Well now, that would be my second choice.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… a Florida man was recently fined 75 cents to pay for the bullet police fired at him? George Gobel: Yeah, and they didn’t have change for a dollar, so they shot him two more times.
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?Charlie Weaver: A divorcee.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… massaging the feet helps some people with hot flashes?George Gobel: So that’s why Rose Marie wears battery-operated shoes.
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: A western saddle has a curved horn on the front to hold something for the cowboy. What is it? Paul Lynde: A passenger.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Queen Elizabeth generally swings her umbrella behind her back, and immediately, something happens. What?Paul Lynde: Lord Snowden doubles up in pain.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, Poe’s
The Raven
said, “Nevermore.” What did Gilbert and Sullivan’s Dickie Bird say? Paul Lynde: Let’s not wallow in Watergate.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Tom Bergeron: Martha Stewart once said that there’s nothing more delicious than one of these. What? Bruce Vilanch: A good spanking!
Bruce Vilanch
(1948 – ) American comedy writer, songwriter & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… most people’s attitudes toward strangers is, “Don’t get too close to me, I prefer to keep you at arm’s length!” [loud horn sounds to signify end the show] Rose Marie: That’s my opinion!
Rose Marie
(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, true or false… studies show that women in their sixties have a more intense craving for physical romance than when they were in their forties…Paul Lynde: Well, that's tough!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Page 5 of 22
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