Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Hollywood Squares
(Page 4)
Peter Marshall: Paul, True or false… nylon is stronger than steel?Paul Lynde: But steel panties don’t turn me on!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: On radio, Margo Lane knew something about young, handsome, wealthy Lamont Cranston. In fact, she knew about Lamont Cranston, things that no one else knew. What was it?Paul Lynde: That his bellybutton was an outsie.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to beauty experts at
Seventeen
magazine, what is the major cause of crows feet?George Gobel: God made them so crows could dance.
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, can you get an elephant drunk? Paul Lynde: Yes, but he still won’t go up to your your apartment.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
John Davidson: A Russian man has just shown you his “balalaika.” What has he shown you?Jim J. Bullock: Why he’s not so popular with the party girls.
Jim J. Bullock
(1955 – ) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Nathan Hale, one of the heroes of the American Revolution, was hung. Why?Paul Lynde: Heredity!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In what event are you most likely to be confronted by a dog leg? Vincent Price: Oh, sleeping under a tree every time!
Vincent Price
(1911 – 1993) American actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, nothing will make a young teenage couple stay together as much as when their parents do something. Do what?Rose Marie: When they go away for the weekend. When they’re left alone, they have a ball.
Rose Marie
(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to Elizabeth Post, does she think it’s a good idea to send out divorce invitations? Sonny Bono: I forgot to ask!
Sonny Bono
(1935 – 1998) American recording artist, record producer, actor & politician
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: President Johnson had a personal butler in the White House; so did presidents Kennedy and Nixon. Does President Ford also have a butler?Paul Lynde: Yes, he doubles as the Secretary Of Agriculture.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: If the Six Million Dollar Man and the Bionic Woman were to have a baby, would it be a bionic baby? George Gobel: Yes, but it would require three doctors, a ground crew and a disposable net.
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… a Florida man was recently fined 75 cents to pay for the bullet police fired at him? George Gobel: Yeah, and they didn’t have change for a dollar, so they shot him two more times.
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Spiro Agnew was in the infantry during World War Two. Was he decorated? Wally Cox: He looked really pretty in the puka shells but they made him take them off…
Wally Cox
(1924 – 1973) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to Johnny Carson’s ex-wife Joanne, after the divorce, he sent her a copy of a best-selling book. Which one? Paul Lynde: Shaft!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Imagine you are a child in your mother’s womb, can you detect light? Paul Lynde: Only during ballet practice.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: During the 18th century it was common for a bride to sell something at her wedding reception to help pay for the cost of the wedding. What did she sell?Paul Lynde: Her first born.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Prometheus was tied to the top of a mountain by the gods because he had given something to man. What did he give us? Paul Lynde: I don’t know what you got, but I got a sports shirt.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… your teeth are about the same size and shape as a pig's?Paul Lynde: Look who's talking, Beaverface!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to police, if you are being molested, other than yelling, “Help!,” what is the best thing to scream?Rose Marie: More!
Rose Marie
(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: To Roy Rogers, what is Cowboy Heaven?Paul Lynde: Seven minutes with Tammy Wynette!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Page 4 of 22
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